What if Your Better Half Doesn’t Want to Join You for Couples Therapy?

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What if Your Better Half Doesn’t Want to Join You for Couples Therapy?

Disagreements are normal in every relationship. You’re never going to agree on everything, and that’s all right. That kind of dynamics can add to the unique nature of your relationship. That said, there are going to be days when you both will feel out of step with each other. There will be passages of boredom and times when you’ll stomp your feet in frustration or throw yourself out the window.

However, if you think the fights are getting worse, if it’s turning into disengagement and alienation, one that’s getting out of hand fast, thinking about ways to reconnect can help. A couple’s therapy might just be the perfect solution. One major hurdle that could stand in the way, though, is this: your spouse or partner digs in and refuses to go. What do you do then? Here are several ways to help you deal with the situation:

Understand why

Learning how to be with someone doesn’t mean blind understanding and acceptance of everything they do. That’s why if your partner refuses to go to couple’s therapy, ask why. Listen to what your partner has to say. By knowing what your partner or loved one’s reasons are, you can find a way to get to a middle ground. Finding even a shaky foothold of mutual understanding can help you both understand where the other is coming from. Don’t know where to start? Make an appointment with our counselors from I Choose Change. We can help you work through your own emotions and frustrations so when you talk to your spouse, you can do it with no anger, ill feelings or resentment that could only add fuel to the fire.

Take measures

The Daily Mail says unfriending your partner on social media can boost and help revive your relationship. When peole live with someone for so long, they tend to believe they already know everything about that person. Cutting each other off on social media, then, can bring back a measure of mystery to the relationship. That’s certainly one option you and your spouse can go for. Not quite convinced of the merits of that choice? Talk to our Allen counselors. We can help you decide if this is the right move to revive your relationship or how it might just derail it even further.

Time it right

Going to marriage counseling together is a measure that’s best used early on, when you and your partner or spouse still love each other. Using it as a last resort, when both parties have passed the point of no return, might not yield the best results. That could be one reason why your partner is now refusing to go to therapy with you. Before you reach that point, make an appointment with our Dallas area counselors and let us help you.

Wait it out

In some cases, though, your spouse might not be emotionally ready to have that talk. No matter how difficult that is, you will need to wait until your loved one is ready. Forcing the situation could hi-jack the relationship even further and lose whatever ground you managed to cover. Give your partner time. But not too much of it that you both lose the will to work on your relationship.

Empathize

When you run up against the limits of your loved one’s capacity for understanding, don’t blame your spouse. If you want a long-term relationship, one that’s going to stand the test of time, then it isn’t going to built on differences in your opinion, opposing views or conflicting stands on an issue. It going to be built on one thing: empathy. Couples who stay around and work through their problems successfully all have one common denominator: they empathize and they do it well. But it takes hard work and skill. And for some, it takes help. Reach out to our counsellors at I Choose Change and find out more about what you can do to help you identify bad patterns in your relationship. With resolution techniques and practices, you can approach your loved one and find the right words to say why working together to resolve your conflicts—why counseling—matters.

Conclusion

When you force your spouse to go with you, you’re only going to end up arguing against the tide. Put these tips to good use instead. Knowing how to communicate with your partner better will reassure him/her that going to therapy is not about blame-pointing. That might be enough to get you both to the door of your counselor.

About the Author:

Jennifer Slingerland Ryan knows a thing or two about kids and families. First, she knows they are joyous, exhilarating, loving and so darn fun. Second, she knows they suck your life dry and make you weep like a baby.

By day she’s a psychotherapist; by night she’s a mom and wife. She claims to love therapizing couples, educating parents, reading dystopian fiction and sleeping in her free time (read: she never sleeps).

Jennifer has spent over 12 years in private practice working with individuals, couples, and parents who are faced with kid-drama, mamma-drama, and family-drama, and she claims that although some stories make a grown woman cry, she loves it.