Why Choose a Couple’s Intensive?

Instead of attending one session per week for 6 to 12 weeks (that’s three months!), you’ll get all your sessions packed into one or two days. Then, ultimately, you’re ready to enter into a maintenance phase of counseling.

What will we do for 6, 8, or 12 hours?

Every couple’s therapy process with Dr. Ryan, whether it’s hour-by-hour or in intensive blocks of time, will go through this same essential process:

1. Review the completed assessments that you’ve done before our session.
2. Complete an in-depth interview that helps your therapist, and each partner, understand the root causes of your current situation.
3. Get education on self- and other assessments using Jennifer’s TEA Method.
4. Learn how to speak, hear, and be different from your partner by utilizing the CALM Connecting procedure (a process created by Dr. Jen).
5. And finally, practice being in a dyadic conversation with your partner where you’ll be coached line-by-line on how to hear and say things differently in a partner in a way that gets your emotional needs met.

How will I know which intensive is right for me?

• A 6-hour intensive is best for couples who want to take a deep dive into the inner workings of this relationship. You won’t get much practice time during the 6-hour session, but you will walk away with a greater understanding of yourself and your partner.
• An 8-hour intensive is best for couples who want a deep dive into the inner workings of this relationship, then begin at least 2-3 hours of communication practice. You won’t sit and talk to the therapist the whole time. You’ll start learning to speak to each other in more productive, connected ways.
• A 12-hour intensive is best for couples who want a deep dive into the inner workings of this relationship but then spend ample time practicing new conversations. This intensive is best for couples struggling with infidelity or in crisis and considering divorce.

Who does the couple’s intensives?

Jennifer Slingerland Ryan, Ph.D., LPC-S, developed the couple’s intensive process at I Choose Change. She is Gottman Level III and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) trained. Using these influences alongside her research while completing her doctorate, she developed her attachment-based model to help couples develop better communication, greater intimacy, and better conflict resolution. **Discounted rates are given to couples who agree to allow a therapist to sit in intensives for training purposes.

What happens after the intensive?

You may choose to continue seeing Dr. Jen as you continue your maintenance sessions, or you can take all your resources to your current couple’s therapist and let them help you with maintenance. Most couples have 2-hour session check-ins once or twice monthly after their intensive.

What is “maintenance”?

Every client enters therapy in a 3-Step process:

1. Assessment
2. New Learning
3. Practice and Maintenance

The Assessment and New Learning phases typically take 4-6 hours. This is when the counselor gets to know you, understands the depth of your concerns, and understands your inner world more profoundly. After 4-6 hours, the counselor will give you new tools unique to your situation to practice in sessions and out in the world.

The 12-hour intensive moves you into Step 3: Practice and Maintenance. The 6- and 8-hour intensives are for Assessment and New Learning.

What other resources will help while we are in maintenance?

We firmly believe counseling should last a lifetime, even if that means monthly or quarterly check-ins. You’ll be given resources during and after your couple’s intensive. However, it is recommended that you add the Gottman Relationship Builder to your arsenal of resources. There, you’ll have 365 days 24/7 access to Dr. John Gottman as he takes you through even more communication exercises. You can login anytime to get the help you need! You’ll also have online access to the Couple’s Packet you’ll receive in our session, plus every Gottman exercise available (some we will get to, most we won’t). Other resources are listed below.

Additional Resources:

Using evidence-based counseling techniques, you and your partner will be guided into a more loving, connected space using the work of Dr. John Gottman’s Sound Marital House and Dr. Sue Johnson Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT).

• John Gottman’s “Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” – A great book for couples who are having a difficult time talking to one another because words are disrespectful and angry on an almost constant basis. This is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) perspective for couples.
• David Burn’s “Feeling Good Together: The Secret to Making Troubled Relationships Work” – A great book for couples who are having a difficult time talking to one another because words are disrespectful and angry on an almost constant basis. This is a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) perspective for couples.
• Sue Johnson’s “Hold Me Tight: A Couples Guide to a Lifetime of Love” – This book examines the reason we have enraged conversations, and why we ultimately withdraw from the ones we love most – our spouse/life partner.
• Sue Johnson’s “Love Sense: The Revolutionary New Science of Love Relationships” – A great book examining the science of love and love relationships.
• Robert Karen’s “Becoming Attached: First Relationships and How They Shape Our Capacity to Love” – A great book about how we attach to parents as young babies and children, and what happens when we don’t. The childhood attachment process is essential in order to have healthy adulthood.

Other Mental Health Resources: The Self Love Hub