photo credit: Jim Grady

When relationships are at their best we are like teenagers on a rollercoaster ride. We are excited, our heart is racing, we are anticipating, “the ride of a lifetime.”

Every moment of a “relationship roller coaster” ride is filled with a new rush. As we do with the rollercoaster, so do we with relationships in that we are in position to take a risk. Granted it, it might be something you like and want to continue to do or not, and once you have had enough you want off or out. We trust the rollercoaster ride to keep us safe, secure, and not hurt us. In spite of all the twists and turns when the ride evens back out we are still intact.

Sometimes in life we have fastened out seat beats for a relationship rollercoaster ride that is meant to last forever and it goes wrong. As exciting as it was on the way up, the trip down takes on its own personality. Once the descent starts, it often times feels like it will never end.

When we are able to catch our breath we think, “What was I thinking getting on this ride?”

Now throughout the ride, between the twists and turns we reconsider staying in the relationship. The ride operator gives us just those couple of seconds that is takes to rebuild the confidence to take that next hill. In a relationship gone bad we continue to experience the disappointment of the downward spiral the relationship has taken. At what point do you get off? At what point do you decide that you don’t have to go through this? When do you notice that the people around you are having fun and you are not? What has happened in our lives that allow us to settle in relationships?

Here are signs it is time to get off your “relationship rollercoaster”:

1. When you feel your emotional needs are never being met
2. The relationship becomes physically or emotionally abusive
3. The “warm fuzzy” feelings you had are gone
4. You find your self disconnected from friends and family
5. You feel like an empty shell of your former self and have lost all of yourself esteem
6. You notice you have compromised your beliefs, ambitions, and core values.

Relationships take on many forms. We have relationships with parents, children, friends, significant others and even the clerk at the grocery store. There is a saying that “friendships are meant for a reason, season, or a lifetime.” The tough part is figuring out which is which. Managing the change that relationships produce can be challenging and one that counseling can prove helpful.

Patrice Dunn M.Ed., LPC is the presenter of the “Relationship Rollercoaster” workshop.  For additional information on upcoming workshops feel free to contact her at patrice@ichoosechange.com.

Tags: arguments in marriage, Friendships, relationship, relationships
Posted in Marriage and Relationships | 1 Comment »

photo credit: muha…

I love taking vacations (don’t we all?). Unfortunately, like most people, I am only able to get away about once a year.   After my recent trip to Mexico, I decided that taking vacations are NOT optional!

This was a much needed trip—we have both been worn out from everything life has thrown our way:  work stress, family stress, and general social stress. And, to top if off, we are two people who are not always the most pleasant to be around when we haven’t fed our own “down time” needs!

Vacation Equals Mental Health

Most of us weather through life with many of the same everyday, mundane stressors.  Whether you choose to vacation with the entire family, or with just your significant other, this is why I think we should all be on a mission to make vacation MANDATORY: >> More..

Tags: anxiety, life balance, mental health, self-love, stress
Posted in Anxiety and Stress Management, Emotional Well-being | 2 Comments »

photo credit: tray

One of the first things I do when working with a client is ask them about their support group.  From friends, family, spouse, co-workers, church members, and others, I want to know who around this client knows what’s going on with them, and will support them no matter what.

Usually, I’m met with a “deer-in-headlights” look.

Rarely do clients want to take their “therapy issue” to their support system.  Spouses may know an angry side of the problem, but that’s not REALLY knowing.  But who helps us keep balanced?

By REALLY knowing someone, I’m talking about the core of that person.  The person that has such a bad day that you >> More..

Tags: family, Friendships, support, tough times
Posted in Emotional Well-being, Family Time, Friendships, Gratitude, Marriage and Relationships | 3 Comments »

photo credit: voteprime

The reason we don’t change is pretty simple when you think about it.  Habits, beliefs, thoughts, and “paradigms” all have a lot to do with it, but before we jump right in, let’s recap exactly how our belief system works:

• Whatever we practice becomes a habit (or belief).
• Habits (Beliefs) are rooted in our subconscious, where they function without our awareness or our permission.
• Since habits (beliefs) are alive, they will, like anything living, fight to stay alive.
• We have learned to feel certain ways, out of habit (belief).

It may not seem fair, but what was created as habit years and years ago, still remains within the psyche today. Insisting on dessert after every meal, running late to work most days, drinking coffee in the morning, sitting in traffic on the expressway on the way to work (instead of taking the train), fighting with the spouse about money, feeling sad during the holidays - all habits! I could go on and on…

Habits are at work in all of us right now, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. And because habits are so cunning and commanding, they get in the way of any positive life developments that are being made. >> More..

Tags: belief, beliefs, change, conceptual framework, new thoughts, old habits
Posted in Anxiety and Stress Management, Depression, Life Change | 1 Comment »

photo credit: gilesclement

Stop pointing fingers.  In difficult situations, being able to examine ourselves in a full-length mirror is crucial.  We want to be able to ask, “What part did I play in this situation? What were my errors?  Where are my flaws?”

Taking responsibility of our own thoughts, emotions and actions is empowering!  It means we are able to step back from a situation and view it from a different perspective.  We’re able to look beyond ourselves and see an alternative way of thinking - an alternative belief.  

Personal responsibility is a choice.

Blame is crippling.  It creates >> More..

Tags: belief, change thoughts, david burns, different perspective, full length mirror, pointing fingers, responsibility, taking personal responsibility
Posted in Anxiety and Stress Management, Children and Adolescents, Empowerment, Life Change, Marriage and Relationships, Thinking Patterns | 4 Comments »