A Mutual Loss: Key Points for Couples to Remember after a Miscarriage
One of the worst things any couple can endure is experiencing the excitement of pregnancy and parenthood, only to have it all taken away. Everyone attributes miscarriages to different things, but the truth is that it often doesn’t have a practical reason at all. This can be frustrating, which is why working with Allen therapistscan help couples deal with the stages of grief. Here are a few ways to accept a miscarriage as a mutual loss and support each other in a time of despair.
Dealing with the Grieving Process
One of the worst things you and your partner can do after a miscarriage is to deny sorrow. AmericanPregnancy.org advises that the first stage of grief after a miscarriage is denial. You don’t want to believe that the unthinkable has actually happened, or that all your plans have suddenly changed. Just like any other type of death, the first response of most people is to detach and pretend that it didn’t happen. As a couple, though, it’s essential to acknowledge the death and actively mourn. Not all couples are ready to go to therapy together, and IChooseChange.com believes that it’s important to understand why.
Don’t Blame Yourself
Most couples are looking for a logical explanation after a miscarriage. Tragic events are often hard to understand because there seems to be no rhyme or reason, and no perpetrator to blame. Baby Centre warns that it’s easy to blame yourself and try to pinpoint a reason for why a pregnancy is lost, but the truth is that it’s unlikely due to any fault. While either parent may be wondering if it was something they ate or some practice they weren’t awarewould result in miscarriage, the truth is that there’s usually nowhere to place blame. Dealing with this reality through therapy can be beneficial.
You’re Not Alone
Miscarriages are more common than most couples realize, and it’s worth bonding over this reality. According to Postpartum Progress, around 15 to 20 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. This is an unfortunate and terrifying figure, but it proves that the same percentage of couples deal with this tragedy. It’s important to acknowledge that miscarriage isn’t through the fault of any one person, and that it’s simply an event that occurs more often than you might think.
Mourning Together Is Important
Many couples have disagreements about how to mourn a lost pregnancy, or if they even should. However, Scary Mommy recommends that an important part of accepting the loss of a pregnancy is stopping to mourn your child. How miscarriages are emotionally processed can be determined by everything from religious faith to social status, but the core principle is that a pregnancy must be mourned together if it ends in miscarriage. This is a cathartic emotional process that’s independent of social, religious, or cultural views.
Openly Dealing with Health Concerns
While it may be tempting to just attempt to return to your everyday life after a miscarriage, there are health issues that follow for the woman who’s been pregnant. Everyday Health advises that there are physical aftereffects of a miscarriage for the mother, which can include bleeding and cramping, and can be professionally treated. The mother shouldn’t be afraid to seek professional treatment after a miscarriage, and the father should be supportive of relieving pain that’s both physical and emotional. This can help both partners heal.
Accepting Emotional Turmoil to Get Past It
Sometimes, men and women have different responses to a miscarriage. For example, The Spruce advises that the male partner’s response is often to try and fix the situation, but this is a situation which has no solution except to emotionally process it. The fact is that each partner in the relationship must be patient with the other to achieve the best outcome.
IChooseChange.com offers individual and couples counseling that specifically addresses trauma, which is exactly what a miscarriage is. Allen counselors are specially trained to deal with familial traumas of all kinds, whether it’s divorce or miscarriage. Therapy can help couples work through the terrible experience of losing a child in order to move onto their next phase of life together.