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Around this time of year, people love that old adage, “It’s better to give than to receive.” But no matter how many times you say, it doesn’t make gift-giving any less stressful. We put so much emphasis on the perfect gift–and the even the perfect gift wrapping!–all in an attempt to express our full feelings to our loved ones.Â
And yes, gift-giving is a powerful form of communication. It’s no coincidence that, each year, Americans fork over $40 million on these “perfect” gifts. But perhaps we should look toward other forms, healthier forms, of giving during the holiday season. Not just giving gifts but giving support too.Â
Research shows that women who give more than they receive amazingly log fewer sick days at work. There’s a biological explanation, believe it or not. When they provide care and support to loved ones, their bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin, which reduces feelings of stress and anxiety and even can lower blood pressure. (By the way, oxytocin is the same compound released in breast milk when a new mom feeds her infant.)Â
And women aren’t alone here. When it comes to the act of giving, both men and women feel an increased sense of personal bonds from it and an increase in feelings of self-competence. The act itself makes us feel important and good. Essentially, you help yourself when you help others.Â
Social Psychologist Daryl Bern, Ph.D., has pointed out that giving gifts, support, and even kind words can produce a subconscious thought in our minds of: “I must really care or else why would I give such a meaningful gift?”Â
There’s a paradox. We often want to give to those we care more about, but the more we give to someone, the stronger bond we feel we have with that person. The more we care about them. Â
And when it comes to those receiving this support and gifts, there’s no evidence yet that it can increase our mortality. But what research does point to is a link between social connections and boosted immune systems and increased longevity.Â
photo credit: thejonoakley @ flickr
So always keep this knowledge tucked away when fighting the lines at the nearby mall. Providing a perfect gift will never happen. Perfectionism is simply an illusion that can lead to much physical and emotional stress.Â
That’s why this year, my personal charge is to give with love and sincerity, knowing that giving of my time, service, or gifts is not only my expression of love to the recipient, it is actually increasing my own mental health and wellness!
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Yesterday my family along with several friends and their families took 10 children and their parents from The Samaritan Inn to Jump’n Land. It was such a fun day and the kids had an awesome time. So many smiles! We ended the day by giving each child a bag full of goodies which included a new stocking hat and gloves. One mother said “you must have read our minds, because I was just telling my husband we needed to get the kids hat’s and gloves for winter.”
That alone made it worth our time and money!
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