photo credit: StefZ

It’s no secret… the economy isn’t exactly booming.  And while I think we may have stabalized a bit, I am hearing many say their stress and anxiety levels are still on the rise!

I heard myself say on more than one occasion since the economy start floundering that I was secretly glad so many people were having to change their lifestyles.  The cat’s out of the bag now!  But here’s why I feel more positive when others are feeling the stress:  I see golden opportunities!

Whether you’re one who has lost your job or not, like many others you may have decided to tweak some things in your personal life just a bit.  And while I don’t advocate taking a “just in case” stance, I do think there are steps we can take that reap HUGE rewards in our personal lives during ANY economic climate.  Here are a few ideas:

1. Spend more time with family. Many claim to be in disparate need of life balance, eager to spend more time at home with family, but most don’t walk that talk.  When forced to act because of a lay off or downsize, some don’t know quite what to do with themselves.  I can’t think of one negative thing associated with some good, quality time with the family. Can you?
2. Find pleasure in small things. If you’ve decided to downsize, keeping a “wealth plan” (what others may call a “budget”) means getting creative so you won’t feel deprived.  Joy in small things can bring a renewed sense of spirit and energy!  Take your dog for an extra long walk.  Play games with your spouse and kids.  Air up the tires and go for a spin on your bike.  Watch a family movie that everyone enjoys.  Finding pleasure in small things can be very inexpensive, while providing incredible mental health rewards!
3. Eating in and being healthier. When I was growing up, eating out was considered a real treat!  It was only on special occasions like a birthday, graduation, or some other celebration that we saw the inside of a restaurant.  Today, my family eats out way more than I care to put in black and white!  In fact, most families I know eat out more than they should, which means we aren’t as healthy as we could be.  Eating in not only brings us closer to family (“a family that eats together, stays together”), but it helps our “bottom” line as well!
4. Picking up a new hobby. I mentioned that I crochet to a friend the other day, and was was met with a chuckle.  If you’re new to my blog, that fact may lead you to believe I’m eligible for a senior discount.  Nope!  I’m just someone who has found an extra hobby I enjoy!  Think of a new hobby you’d like to try like painting, knitting, bocce ball, horseshoes, gardening, web design, writing, or any number of things.  The sky’s the limit!
5. Working on personal development. What better time to work on your state of mind than now?   Mental health development is a lot like physical development:  when you begin a new exercise program, you aren’t going to notice much change.  But over time, you will begin to see the fruits of your labor.  You feel stronger, more self-confident, and more powerful!  So, while you’ve got more time on your hands, and whether you’re stressed and anxious or not, use this time to start a new journal, read a new self-help book, begin a new coaching program, or start your own support group.

There are many ways to stay connected, feel supported, and gain insight during good and bad economic times.  And if this is a time that propels you to do things differently in your life, bravo!

(Warning, shamless plug coming up!)  There are several ways I’m eager to help my clients during these times.  And, if you’ve thought about hiring a personal coach or counselor, but think you may not have the funds for it, think again.

There is no time like the present to work on bettering yourself. Here are a few things to consider:

• Join an upcoming support group to help you learn the basics of personal development and change.  Groups start at only $55/ month!
• Consider getting the support of a coach or counselor without ever stepping foot in an office.  Purchasing a “Change Retainer” package means you have a counselor at your email disposal throughout the month for only $85.
• Use your I Choose Change journal (free!), and weekly coffee with a good friend to help you make your own changes.  Just a little nudge from a counselor or coach to steer you in the right direction may be all you need.

Finding the positives in a negative economy isn’t incredibly easy, but it does test your willpower.  Make a list of ways you’d like to set your new course, then get started!

Downloadable resources: a href=”http://www.ichoosechange.com/resources/”>Click here.

photo credit: visibleducts

Do you have tasks you want to accomplish or dreams you want to pursue, but seem to always have something standing in your way?

100% of all clients that step into my office come for one of only two reasons:

1. They’re doing something they don’t want to do (or want to do something they aren’t doing), and
2. They feel something they don’t want to feel, like anxiety, depression, loneliness, sadness, guilt, fatigue, or fear.

Anxiety is biggie.  That heart-racing, skin-sweating, heavy-breathing, I’m going to die feeling overtakes some people so fast, that the fear of having an anxiety attack can begin to be even more of a fear than the actual anxiety attack itself.

There are four types of destructive, anxiety-prone personalities listed in Luciani‘s book, Self-Coaching that are worth knowing:

• Worrywarts This is the what-iffing personality.  What if I lose my job?  What if my children don’t love me?  What if I have a wreck while I’m driving?  For the worrywart, losing control is at the forefront of their thoughts.
• Hedgehogs  This personality keeps people at arms length by spewing their general distaste about the world around them.  They can change on a dime from sweet and innocent to loathing, defensive, corrosive and bitter.  What this personality uses as a protective measure of the world around them is seen by others as negative, passive-aggressive, and generally unpleasant.  And, while the hedgehog is busy protecting itself with its porcupine needles, his personal life swirls down the toilet, leaving the hedgehog feeling even more depressed, anxious and untrusting.
• Turtles  Having the tendency to avoid confrontation, isolate, and struggle in social situations, this personality retreats from life when they begin to feel powerless in some aspect of their life.  You can recognize retreating turtle personalities in someone who overindulges in just about anything:  TV, drugs, sleeping, work, etc.
• Chameleons  This personality changes his behavior so as to manipulate the situation to make him more in control.  This type may be seen as the bully or someone who you deem as fake.  They utilize chameleon-like personality to change how others perceive them based on the situation.  In other words, they’re never the same person in any situation. 

All of these personality types create a life of anxiety and depression because the social and personal lives become lonely places.  They don’t keep friends easily.  When there is an intense need for control, yet feelings of powerlessness, they lash out at loved ones and keep at an arms length from them.  Left feeling empty, alone, lonely, isolated, and unloved, feelings of depression and anxiety takeover.

The anxious person acts out as a means to control their environment trying to decrease their anxiety.  But this only works to INCREASE anxiety, and sabotage personal relationships in the process.

When we can finally identify what we feel, as well as the actions we take to act out that feeling, the next step is to simply use the TEA Formula to start changing.  That is, get down to the nitty-gritty of what’s driving those unwanted emotions and actions.  Here’s how:

Step 1:  Ask yourself: What am I doing that is destructive?   Overindulging in food, sleep, sex, gambling, or TV?  Isolating myself, fighting with my spouse, yelling at my kids, and working too much, are a few examples.

Step 2:  Ask yourself: How am I feeling?  Usually summed up in one word:  lonely, sad, alone, guilty, depressed, anxious, ugly, anger, etc.

Step 3:  Ask yourself: What is the immediate thought, perception, judgment or opinion that preceded this feeling?  This is easily answered by knowing what your reaction is to something in your environment.  I don’t like how my husband talked to me, and it makes me feel angry.  My boss nit-picks my work and it makes me feel disrespected.  I have no time to myself because of all the roles I play during the day, and that makes me feel depressed.

– Side note about it makes me feel:  Remember, your thoughts are what make you feel what you feel, not the outside world.   But we often say this statement without being conscious.   Notice when you say this though, because you can identify what you feel pretty quickly. 

– The thoughts that immediately precede the feeling in the above statements are, I don’t like how my husband talked to me, My boss nit-picks my work, I have no time to myself.  Those statements, your thoughts and perceptions about OTHER THINGS that are out of your control,  are what create your emotions.  Now, your task is to simply change your perception, or thought, about that preceding event.

When you can get to your root thought sometimes that means becoming aware of your subconscious thought (making the subconscious, conscious).  Then you simply ask yourself: Is this a thought that is serving me well?

If you are feeling something you don’t want to feel or doing something you don’t want to do, like anxiety, then you can rest assured, the thought that got you to those feelings and actions could be tweaked a bit so you get a different feeling and action.

photo credit: Fiona MacGinty

Downloadable resources: a href=”http://www.ichoosechange.com/resources/”>Click here.

I noticed a girl swinging as fast, as hard, and as passionately as she could while at the park with my young daughters recently. From my vantage point I could see how she thrust her legs out as she swung up and tucked them hard under her as she swung back. Thrust up, tuck back, thrust up, tuck back. She moved with such strength and energy that you almost felt that she’d just had a huge argument with her playmate and was blowing off some steam.

I found my wandering to the age of 10 again, wishing I could stop what I was doing right that minute and blow off steam, giving all my energy to that swing set.  As a busy Mom, I often feel frustrated, annoyed, or overwhelmed.  But, since most of our cubicles, offices, and homes don’t come with a handy swing set ready and waiting (and it might be a bit strange if we were caught having it out with our swing sets); we have to find other ways to get rid of the pent up energy we carry.  Below are other ways we can blow off steam, and I hope you’ll find these handy, too:

1. Disassociate from the moment

During junior high (still the worst years of my life by the way), I developed the coping strategy of going into the bathroom stall and resting my head in my hands while taking deep, calming breaths. To get away from the crowded hallways, wanna-be friends, bullies, and all the other yuck that comes with middle school, I would think about something far removed from that moment. It was my way to “escape”.  I still use that coping skill today and I admit that I sometimes use a bathroom stall if it’s the only place I can escape to. Shifting your focus from the current situation energizes your mind so you can return to your everyday life with more focus.

2. Listen to Music

There’s something about putting my favorite music on that changes my mood and even whisks me away to a new world entirely. Oftentimes, it inspires me to start dancing like I’m 13 again! Getting my body moving and grooving (and even breaking a little sweat) is so much fun, and a great way to release a lot of tension.

3. Stretch

Sometimes I’ll stop everything, get in the middle of the floor and start doing stretches and deep breathing.  Whether you’re an amateur or a yogi, just getting twisted up can release some tension.

4. Nap or Simply be Still

My number one activity!  I’m guilty of taking regular naps or, at the very least, zoning out for 30 minutes (although it can be up to 2 hours) every single day (Yes, you read right – EVERY SINGLE DAY! Sometimes I let the kids run amok, but it has to be done!). Getting quiet and allowing room for gaps between your thoughts is a great way to slow down a frantic day. No TV, radio, kids, pets, or any other noise – just silence.

5. Read a Good Book

I love to read and my shelves are filled to the brim with psychological and self-help material. But I do enjoy a good novel now and again. Admittedly, the self-help stuff can be such a drag sometimes because it’s heavy with to-dos, but novels are my favorite escape.

6. Clean House

This sounds like a strange one, I know, but cleanliness and organization can be energizing! Having a mission and following through with tasks so you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment in just a short amount of time.

7. Talk to Someone

When you just need to vent, call up that one person you can talk to no matter what the topic. Telephone, instant message, text, get on Facebook, or hop on Twitter.  Engage in whatever form of communication that works for you.

8. Go to the Playground

I’ll admit that watching kids play is tiring; their energy never stops! But the flip side of this is that they are getting rid of excess energy in such a healthy, positive, and fun ways! And as adults, we can do the same thing. Don’t be afraid to hop on a swing and, just like the young girl I encountered, and give that swing all you’ve got!

Jennifer Slingerland Ryan, M.Ed. is a Counselor, Life Coach and Managing Director of I Choose change in Allen. You can find more about her and I Choose Change at http://www.ichoosechange.com or on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/ichoosechange.  If you’d like to use this article in your publication, you can, but please reference the author and send us a copy!  Thank you.  :)

Downloadable resources: a href=”http://www.ichoosechange.com/resources/”>Click here.

photo credit: muha…

I love taking vacations (don’t we all?). Unfortunately, like most people, I am only able to get away about once a year.  After my recent trip to Mexico, I decided that taking vacations are NOT optional!

This was a much needed trip we have both been worn out from everything life has thrown our way: work stress, family stress, and general social stress. And, to top if off, we are two people who are not always the most pleasant to be around when we haven’t fed our own “down time” needs!

Vacation Equals Mental Health

Most of us weather through life with many of the same everyday, mundane stressors.  Whether you choose to vacation with the entire family, or with just your significant other, this is why I think we should all be on a mission to make vacation MANDATORY:

• Vacationing gives you and your partner a chance to reconnect. Often times, we get too caught up in our day to day routine that we can lose sight of the little things that make life, and our relationships, special. Also, with TV, internet, and other distractions it is easy in real life to spend far less time together. Taking a vacation forces you to focus on each other in a good way.
• Vacationing gets you out of your daily routine-which, lets face it, can sometimes be too routine. Going away gives you freedom from all of the monotonous tasks you face on a daily basis.
• Vacationing enables you to de-stress while truly being away from it all
• Relaxation. Let’s face it: Americans are great at their careers and taking care of their families, but we are not so great on taking time to relax. Relaxation is key in practicing self care, and managing things like anxiety and depression. Not surprisingly, the U.S. is a nation with one of the fewest amount of vacation days offered by employers. We need relaxation and vacation in order to be more productive-not only at work but at home as well.
• Vacationing gives you a break from the anxiety and stress that daily chores, work, and family responsibilities can cause.

You may be thinking, especially in this economy, that a staycation (taking time off from work, but staying home, using that time to run errands or fix up the house, etc.) is just as good as a going away vacation. However, I disagree.

A staycation is not a true vacation.

I am not suggesting you spend thousands of dollars on a luxury trip – you could easily drive to the next closest city or town and stay at a motel – the important thing is to have time away from home and away from all the things that stress you out every day. You will come back refreshed and ready to tackle life. Your kids will thank you, your spouse will thank you. But most importantly, you’ll thank yourself.

Erica S. Gould is a Licensed Professional Counselor helping children, teens, and adults achieve happiness and reach their full potential. She can be reached through her website at http://www.ichoosechange.com/erica.html.

Downloadable resources: a href=”http://www.ichoosechange.com/resources/”>Click here.

 

“Why do I continue to act in ways that sabotage my life?”

This is a common question, and the answer is very simple:  Because of what you THINK!  Change happens all the time, everyday, about 60,000 times a day even when you don’t know it.  The external world doesn’t determine your emotions, your thoughts do.  When you want to change what you feel or do, you must change your own thoughts.

 

• Overgeneralization.  Creating sweeping conclusions about yourself denies what is true about your life.  For example, “I’ve never been successful, so I won’t be successful now.” Or, “I always fail!”
• Fortune Telling.  Pretending you know what the future holds only sabotages your change efforts.  For example, “I’ve seen a therapist before and it didn’t work.  I just know this isn’t going to work for me now either.”
• Mental Filter.  You can create the reality you want by only focusing on what you deem important.  You can recognize this when you say, “I don’t have to exercise because I’m really good at counting calories and that will take the weight off.”
• Should Statements.  Saying what you “should,” “must” or “ought” to do only set you up for failure.  Ask yourself, “Where’s the rule book that says I should do this?”  This line of thinking takes away your choices.  For example, “I must not have a cookie because I will gain back all of my weight.”
• Dismissing Positives.  If you’ve heard yourself say, “Anybody can do this, it’s no big deal,” you might not be recognizing your changes!  This kind of self-sabotage keep you stuck in what’s going WRONG as opposed to what’s going RIGHT.
• Blaming.  Not taking responsibility for your own thoughts, emotions and actions keeps you stuck as a victim and blaming others.  If you’ve said, “My husband just doesn’t understand me and that’s why we argue so much,” or “That homework assignment my therapist gave me was stupid – it set me up to fail,” you aren’t taking responsibility and this will create negative emotions and actions.
• All or Nothing.  “I yelled at my kids again today, which proves I’m a horrible mother!”  This is black and white thinking that leaves you no alternative but to fail, especially when you have an unrealistic expectation of success. 
• Emotional Reasoning.  Saying “It’s been such a stressful, hard week, and I deserve to drink as much as I want this weekend” is only justifying your destructive behavior.  If you feel negative emotions, don’t work it out by giving up on your life change!

Photo courtesy  pfv.

 

photo credit: Shereen M

Around this time of year, people love that old adage, “It’s better to give than to receive.” But no matter how many times you say, it doesn’t make gift-giving any less stressful. We put so much emphasis on the perfect gift–and the even the perfect gift wrapping!–all in an attempt to express our full feelings to our loved ones. 

And yes, gift-giving is a powerful form of communication. It’s no coincidence that, each year, Americans fork over $40 million on these “perfect” gifts. But perhaps we should look toward other forms, healthier forms, of giving during the holiday season. Not just giving gifts but giving support too. 

Research shows that women who give more than they receive amazingly log fewer sick days at work. There’s a biological explanation, believe it or not. When they provide care and support to loved ones, their bodies produce a hormone called oxytocin, which reduces feelings of stress and anxiety and even can lower blood pressure. (By the way, oxytocin is the same compound released in breast milk when a new mom feeds her infant.) 

And women aren’t alone here. When it comes to the act of giving, both men and women feel an increased sense of personal bonds from it and an increase in feelings of self-competence. The act itself makes us feel important and good. Essentially, you help yourself when you help others. 

Social Psychologist Daryl Bern, Ph.D., has pointed out that giving gifts, support, and even kind words can produce a subconscious thought in our minds of: “I must really care or else why would I give such a meaningful gift?” 

There’s a paradox. We often want to give to those we care more about, but the more we give to someone, the stronger bond we feel we have with that person. The more we care about them.  

And when it comes to those receiving this support and gifts, there’s no evidence yet that it can increase our mortality. But what research does point to is a link between social connections and boosted immune systems and increased longevity. 

photo credit: thejonoakley @ flickr

So always keep this knowledge tucked away when fighting the lines at the nearby mall. Providing a perfect gift will never happen. Perfectionism is simply an illusion that can lead to much physical and emotional stress. 

That’s why this year, my personal charge is to give with love and sincerity, knowing that giving of my time, service, or gifts is not only my expression of love to the recipient, it is actually increasing my own mental health and wellness!

 

photo credit: stuartpilbrow

If you read my post last week, you’ll know all about changing your subconscious thoughts. It’s a matter simply of changing what you habitually think and do, and to do so, you have to be aware of what you’re thinking and doing. The formula for success is: Thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions. 

A client told me recently, “Sometimes I just can’t be aware of what I’m thinking and feeling.  It’s just not the best time.  I mean, I can’t just have a breakdown right then and there.”  She was right! 

Sometimes there will be times when it’s just not possible to let the emotion out. Let’s get real with an example. Let’s say you’re are work with your boss, talking about your next big project. All the while, your mind is focusing on an argument you had with your spouse that morning. You feel edgy, irritable, sad. 

During a moment like this, it is perfectly OK to shelve your emotions in your back pocket. 

But you want to hear some good news before the bad news? Most of us are already excellent at this shelving. The bad news? Most of us forget to pull out and examine those emotions later. Instead, we keep them stuffed away, where the emotions stew, grow, and soon take on a life of their own. 

Let’s keep going with our example above … after work, you’re home with the kids, who are wired out of their minds and not paying you any attention. You feel edgy and can’t figure out why you snap at them. You manage to hold off and not completely lose it on your children–by stuffing your emotions in your back pocket again. 

After you put the kids to bed, you’re finally alone. You uncork a bottle of wine, sprawl on your couch, and have a glass … and then another. You’re isolating yourself, drowning yourself, wishing the day away. 

You can repeat this pattern, day in and day out, until one day you explode! You have a panic attack at work. Or you sleep all day. Or you go on a shopping spree. Or you have a blowup with your husband. Pick your poison, but in any case, your emotions are speaking loudly, leading you to actions that are way over the top. 

“I don’t even know where that came from,” you say after you come down off your emotional high. 

Oh, really? I know. 

Your emotions burst out of your back pocket. Remember those emotions? The ones you kept stuffing there over and over until it was impossible to stuff any more? 

The secret to stopping this vicious cycle is to recognize the MANY signs of distress that appear before that big physical explosion. Then address that distress. 

How? Revisit your emotions regularly. At the end of the day, take the time to empty your back pocket, so to speak. Recall what got you worked up during the day and talk about it, journal about it, meditate on it–in other words, deal with it. Do whatever it takes, but clear those emotions out of your pocket. 

You have to be conscious of your emotions and what’s taking up space in your mind to be able to do this. It can only be done when you make that definite choice to think and act differently, to drive down that new road.

 

Daydream a moment… slip into your brightest, most cheerful swimsuit, grab hold of your best friend’s hand, and make a mad dash through the water sprinkler in the yard of your cranky neighbor. Now yell, scream, and laugh at the top of your lungs… How does it feel?

Do that in your mind, and you just changed your mindset.

“The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life…To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair…What do you seek?” –Binx Bolling, in Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer

Your mindset is simply your way of thinking, and your way of thinking determines how open you are to change. Clarifying your mindset really says a great deal about the adjustments you’ll be inviting into your life, especially since you are fully responsible for the changes taking place.

If you are stuck in the muck and mire of your own life, you “can’t see the forest for the trees” so to speak. You don’t even know the direction to go, or that there are even is a direction! And if you know there is a direction, and you at least see a light at the end of the tunnel of the life you don’t want, then you are aware of the possibility of the life that awaits you.

Ahh, the sweet scent of power!

Your mindset is formed in early childhood – you are the product of other’s habitual way of thinking. As a powerful adult now, you have full authority and means to shift your mindset. And in doing so you can create the life you want, and that is rightfully already yours.

Although there are two ways to describe your mindset – scarce or abundant – your mindset is on a continuum. Knowing where your mind is right now, will largely determine how challenging your journey is going to be.

Scarcity and Abundance

Scarcity means you perceive yourself to have an extreme lack of resources or knowledge of how to gain resources that are needed when the going gets rough. In a state of extreme lack, there breeds disappointment, pain, lack of control, lack of knowledge, and lack of fulfillment. 

Abundance is the opposite of scarcity. It is the reality of overflowing resources where the fish in the water has more than an adequate supply of what is needed. To have abundant resources in life is having overflowing fulfillment of life’s needs. 

Where is your Mind? 
On a scale of 0 to 10, with 0 being on the lowest level of the continuum (scarce) and 10 being on the highest level of the continuum (abundant), how does your current state of mind rate? In other words, what is your life like at this moment?

36 Ways to Change Your Mindset

Changing your mindset is easy; you just have to make the decision to do it! And to make it easy, I have 36 things you can do starting now.

• Meditate

• Think positive

• Use affirmations

• Call an old friend

• Watch a funny movie

• Read a spiritual book

• Write in your gratitude journal

• Pray

• Eat a chocolate chip cookie (or oatmeal raisin – your pick)

• Journal

• Take a walk

• Have sex

• Do jumping jacks

• Sneak some grapes from the produce aisle

• Go on a date with your spouse

• Swing with your kids at the park

• Visit an amusement park

• Go ahead, zone out for 1 hour while watching Oprah (or any other zone-out show you choose)

• Wrestle with your dog and let him give you dog-kisses

• Daydream

• Tickle your kids ‘till they’re silly

• Read a book to your kids

• Take a candlelit bath

• Listen to a motivational speaker

• Watch an episode of “Chelsea Lately”

• Volunteer

• Dance like no one’s watching

• Actually use your dusty yoga tapes

• Go for a scenic drive

• Listen to music that inspires you

• Read the Sunday comics

• Have coffee with a close friend

• Attend a local story time, even if you don’t have kids

• Pull weeds and plant flowers

• Take a nap

• Join a Support Group or see a Therapist

There is no secret about it… when you change your mindset you’re well on your way to transforming your life in a way that will STICK.

 

 photo credit: @ly$ in wonderland

photo credit: intomwetrust2

Want to get back to the confident and self-fulfilled person you used to be? Wondering how you’re going to be a better mom, a better spouse, or a better business leader? If you are stuck in the muck and mire of a situation that is wearing you down, as a result you are feeling anxious, depressed, or hopeless; you might be sabotaging your own efforts to get unstuck.

Yes, what I’m saying is, it’s your fault!

Wait, wait! Before you press the delete button on this email, hear me out. Most of us sabotage our efforts to move forward without realizing it. We are on autopilot. Busy with the everydayness of life – going to work, caring for the kids, trying to make quota – we clutter our mind and life with “must dos” when in reality, they might best be changed to “must-don’ts!” If you’re like most people, you have great intentions about moving forward, improving your business, strengthening your relationships or being a better parent. But if you aren’t doing or getting what you want from your life, there is a reason, and plain and simple, you need to get out of your own way.

“It’s not you, it’s me”

It is easier to blame our boss, our spouse, our kids, our cat, our schedule, or anything else we can think of, on our problems. But by blaming external factors for what is happening in our lives we make ourselves powerless. We can’t create the change needed to get unstuck. How can you have the life you want if you are completely out of control? Sure, some things are not within your power, but everything you think, feel and do, is all yours.

Taking responsibility for your own life can sometimes be a difficult endeavor. However, it is important to know that you are in the driver’s seat. You have choices! You are in control of your life, good and bad. Therefore, no matter what is happening right now, whether you feel stuck in a dead end job, or struggling to make your marriage work, you have the choice and the responsibility to choose change. You owe it to yourself. It’s all in your head…

There is one thing you can start doing today that will help change your ways. You must take inventory of your mindset. Is your dominating thinking pattern one of scarcity or one of abundance? A scarcity mindset means focusing on what you DON’T have as opposed to what you DO have, resulting in feeling hopeless, lonely, and powerless. Think about it… Do you find yourself complaining on a regular basis about what you don’t want, don’t have, and can’t have? Are those around you pretty negative? With an abundant mindset, you feel excited and powerful, with choices. You are able to focus on the overflowing resources or opportunities. You feel empowered and confident that you have more than enough.

There are no limits to what you can achieve, have, or dream. An abundant mindset allows your inner strengths and passions to come to the surface without self-limiting patterns, such as skepticism, fear, and doubt getting in the way.

Hey, Shifty

Change your mindset by shifting your mindset from scarcity to abundance. Engage in positive thinking and positive feeling. Ok, ok, I know you’ve heard this before. I know its very cliché. But I beg the question: Are you getting what you want from your life, or aren’t you? Because if you’re not, I bet you’re willing to try just about anything.

Making that mindset shift is actually the first change truth in changing your life. Deliberately plant thoughts that make you feel powerful, confident and joyous. By creating a dominating thinking pattern that reflects abundance you will be creating a new reality. You will naturally and effortlessly become unstuck.

Now What? To decide what you want, take 2 minutes and write out what you want to create in your life. Imagine yourself five years form now. You run into an old friend, and the friend says, “Hey, how are you? Long time no see, it’s been so long! How are you? What have you been up to?” What do you answer? If after completing this exercise you have a great plan for your life or business, but no real action plan to get the ball moving, seriously consider changing your mindset. This is the foundation you’ll need to make an immediate shift in your life and business.

 

photo credit: XirannisX en Off

If you don’t think we’re all vulnerable to anxiety at one time or another in our lives, then let me share a recent story from my life with you. It can go to show you just how much we have the power to control anxiety, no matter how out of control events can seem.

Just the other day, I was in court because I was subpoenaed to be a character witness in a child custody case involving a previous client of mine. My role: to say whether or not my client would be the best parent for the couple’s child. Talk about a pressure-filled responsibility and a great time to know how to control anxiety.

My credibility as a therapist could be questioned–and probably would be by the other side’s attorney. “What gave me the right to decide the fate of a child?” I kept thinking to myself. Needless to say, I was incredibly nervous. Yes, even I can get nervous, believe it or not.

Before I had to take the stand, I text-messaged my friend the word “vomit,” and for good reason. Maybe it could have made me felt better. At the moment, I wished I really could have released a little tension and freed some of the butterflies. My stomach was in knots, sweat was beaded on my forehead, worst-case scenarios were running through my mind–I was displaying all of the usual physical symptoms of anxiety.

Again, for good reason! The emotions in the entire courthouse were running high. A woman was sitting on a bench with bloodshot eyes, visibly in pain. Type-A, high-strung men in dark-blue suits with stress bags under their eyes met in small packs, glaring at me out of the corner of their eyes. From one such meeting, I overheard one of them say, “The best we can do is 5 years probation, $5000 fine and 4 months community service.”

Meanwhile, my client paced up and down the hall. And to top it off, like in some movie, there was a crying baby down the hall “The court is no place for a baby,” I couldn’t help but think. Just to think about it now gets my heart rate up. But it also brings me to my point of my post today: No matter what your cause of anxiety, you can control anxiety.

My anxiety in the courtroom came from a triggering event: bearing the weight of that responsibility and stage fright in the courtroom.

No matter where your anxiety comes from, it is all the same when it comes to treatment. For me, I applied techniques like “thought-stopping,” “redirecting,” and “reframing” to control the anxiety and change my emotions. Redirecting myself particularly worked well. For instance, I took a walk, removed myself from the scene for a moment to get a drink. I called my mom (though the topic of discussion, Hillary’s speech at the DNC, wasn’t the best!). I wrote in my journal (about writing this post). I called friends. And I diverted my mind was reading (my latest book: “Blink.”).

When you feel like anxiety has the best of you, reminder yourself it DOESN’T.  What will you do the next time you feel like you’re being taken over by your negative emotions, like anxiety?