Jitters vs Quitters: How to Distinguish Between Red Flags and Cold Feet Before the Wedding

Jitters vs Quitters

There’s no doubt about the fact that getting married and planning a wedding can be a very stressful ordeal. Regardless of the size or complexity, it’s basically a huge party that requires complex coordination and decision-making. Being stressed is to be expected, but a more serious question you need to address is whether you’re having a case of stress-induced cold feet or if it’s time to really question your life choice before making a mistake. Here are a few things to consider as you address this feeling before your nuptials.

Jitters vs Quitters

Check in with Yourself

Huffington Post offers a series a series of questions to ask yourself to determine whether you’re having common jitters or serious

Jitters vs Quitters

second thoughts, but the most important is whether you’d walk away from the wedding if there weren’t any social or financial repercussions. They warn that if the answer is yes, then there’s might be a serious problem that must be addressed before any nuptials take place. Doing so will save you a lot of grief and help you guide the next steps of your life in a positive direction.

Check in with Your Relationship

The Knot states that regular, surmountable cold feet is a reaction to stress, and not to underlying problems with your partner that have remained unaddressed. Go for a relationship check-up with Allen family counseling to work to also resolve any major conflicts you feel haven’t been addressed. This might include different religious beliefs or political views. These are types of issues that may seem like red flags or may be things to latch onto when you’re getting cold feet, so deal with them now to provide mental clarity about your feelings later down the line. However, if the issues you’re dealing with can be counseled in a few sessions, more drastic action might be required.

Jitters vs Quitters

Face Serious Problems Now

It can be painful facing facts if you know the problems you’re facing in your spouse-to-be are serious and haven’t been rectified, but it must be done. What’s the difference between a serious problem versus a minor flaw? The Spruce underlines the difference between serious problems versus common wedding jitters, such as you and/or your future spouse exhibiting violence or deceit toward each other, versus feeling stressed about how many guests you can actually afford to invite. If you’re having problems in your relationship that have been going on for a long time, marriage is not the balm

Jitters vs Quitters

that will solve them. In fact, it will only make things worse. It’s worth putting off the date if this is the case, because it will only deepen potential trauma. If you’re ready to understand the true meaning of forgiveness in a relationship with help from Dallas-area counselors, that’s a great step forward, but not one that leads directly to the altar.

Warning Signs Versus Common Nerves

In addition to self-examination and a serious look at your relationship when warranted, there are also outward signs that you may not even be aware of. For example, according to xoJane, a major indicator of trouble in paradise is asking everyone else whether you should get married. If you need to seek validation from outside sources that goes beyond a heart to heart talk about wedding stress and fears with a close relative or friend, you may have more than a case of the jitters.
If at the end of your assessments you find that the reason you’re touchy or irritable at your fiancé is because someone forgot to buy stamps to send out invitations, you’re probably experiencing stress-fueled cold feet and not ignoring a red flag. Your wedding day may be one of the happiest days of your life, but the time leading up to it can be a test of patience.

About the Author:

Jennifer Slingerland Ryan knows a thing or two about kids and families. First, she knows they are joyous, exhilarating, loving and so darn fun. Second, she knows they suck your life dry and make you weep like a baby. By day she’s a psychotherapist; by night she’s a mom and wife. She claims to love therapizing couples, educating parents, reading dystopian fiction and sleeping in her free time (read: she never sleeps). Jennifer has spent over 12 years in private practice working with individuals, couples, and parents who are faced with kid-drama, mamma-drama, and family-drama, and she claims that although some stories make a grown woman cry, she loves it.
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