Week 32′s Change Challenge Question: What makes a “good” bye?
Saying goodbye is always hard to do, but we often underestimate the importance of doing it well. Whether it be saying goodbye to friends who are moving far away (like the clip above from Friends), or to a relationship, or even an unhealthy belief or assumption that we’ve clung on to, saying goodbye brings a sense of closure and acceptance to a critical life change.
What do you need to say goodbye to? And how can you do it well?
In my counseling sessions, I’ve found that working through the following statements are powerful, painful and healing all wrapped up in 3 statements (this is specifically for unhealthy relationships, and to do on one’s own or with a therapist or trusted friend):
1) I say goodbye to all the positive things about you and our relationship. Name them or write them down.
2) I say goodbye to all the negative things about you and our relationship. Name them or write them down.
3) I say goodbye to you.
If it is an unhealthy belief or thought you’ve held on, usually because it is wrapped up in your identity, the same statements can be rephrased:
1) I say goodbye to all the ways this unhealthy thought has served me. Name them or write them down.
2) I say goodbye to all the ways this unhealthy thought has harmed me. Name them or write them down.
3) I say goodbye to this unhealthy thought.
Saying goodbye to healthy relationships is particular difficult and the above clip from Friends does a wonderful job of expressing how important honesty, fondness and admiration is in true friendships.
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What makes a “good” bye?
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leaving everything on the table, and not having any regrets. And done with integrity, poise and without malice.