photo credit: visibleducts
Do you have tasks you want to accomplish or dreams you want to pursue, but seem to always have something standing in your way?
100% of all clients that step into my office come for one of only two reasons:
- They’re doing something they don’t want to do (or want to do something they aren’t doing), and
- They feel something they don’t want to feel, like anxiety, depression, loneliness, sadness, guilt, fatigue, or fear.
Anxiety is biggie. That heart-racing, skin-sweating, heavy-breathing, “I’m going to die” feeling overtakes some people so fast, that the fear of having an anxiety attack can begin to be even more of a fear than the actual anxiety attack itself.
There are four types of destructive, anxiety-prone personalities listed in Luciani’s book, Self-Coaching that are worth knowing: >> More..
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photo credit: h.koppdelaney
Each time I mention positive affirmation to my clients, my mind goes through the “Stuart Smalley” Saturday Night Live spoof. You know the one. Where Stuart (a.k.a., Al Franken) looks in a full-length mirror and proclaims, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”
And at the same time, I can see the look on my client’s faces, saying, “Seriously? That never works!”
Some clients have even recited the phrase to me in a mocking way.
OK, OK, I get it. Positive affirmations have gotten a bad wrap. (It’s gotten me one too!)
But there are times when we need SOMETHING to turn our negative ship around. When we have nothing else to grasp … except a positive phrase. One of those situations when you have to laugh just so you don’t break down in tears.
I had one such situation last night: >> More..
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Do you Twitter? If not, you should try. It’s such a fun place to chat with people. The other day while I was Twittering, for instance, I was talking with my fellow followers (Twitter some to know what I’m talking about) about change, and I asked them what they wanted to know about the subject.
Here’s what they asked:
1. Does change have to take years, or can it take an instant?
2. What is the best way to focus on change you want and make it happen?
3. What do you suggest when people feel stuck? >> More..
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photo credit: stuartpilbrow
If you read my post last week, you’ll know all about changing your subconscious thoughts. It’s a matter simply of changing what you habitually think and do, and to do so, you have to be aware of what you’re thinking and doing. The formula for success is: Thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions.
A client told me recently, “Sometimes I just can’t be aware of what I’m thinking and feeling. It’s just not the best time. I mean, I can’t just have a breakdown right then and there.” She was right!
Sometimes there will be times when it’s just not possible to let the emotion out. Let’s get real with an example. Let’s say you’re are work with your boss, talking about your next big project. All the while, your mind is focusing on an argument you had with your spouse that morning. You feel edgy, irritable, sad.
During a moment like this, it is perfectly OK to shelve your emotions in your back pocket.
But you want to hear some good news before the bad news? Most of us are already excellent at this shelving. The bad news? Most of us forget to pull out and examine those emotions later. Instead, we keep them stuffed away, where the emotions stew, grow, and soon take on a life of their own.
Let’s keep going with our example above … after work, you’re home with the kids, who are wired out of their minds and not paying you any attention. You feel edgy and can’t figure out why you snap at them. You manage to hold off and not completely lose it on your children–by stuffing your emotions in your back pocket again.
After you put the kids to bed, you’re finally alone. You uncork a bottle of wine, sprawl on your couch, and have a glass … and then another. You’re isolating yourself, drowning yourself, wishing the day away.
You can repeat this pattern, day in and day out, until one day you explode! You have a panic attack at work. Or you sleep all day. Or you go on a shopping spree. Or you have a blowup with your husband. Pick your poison, but in any case, your emotions are speaking loudly, leading you to actions that are way over the top.
“I don’t even know where that came from,” you say after you come down off your emotional high.
Oh, really? I know.
Your emotions burst out of your back pocket. Remember those emotions? The ones you kept stuffing there over and over until it was impossible to stuff any more?
The secret to stopping this vicious cycle is to recognize the MANY signs of distress that appear before that big physical explosion. Then address that distress.
How? Revisit your emotions regularly. At the end of the day, take the time to empty your back pocket, so to speak. Recall what got you worked up during the day and talk about it, journal about it, meditate on it–in other words, deal with it. Do whatever it takes, but clear those emotions out of your pocket.
You have to be conscious of your emotions and what’s taking up space in your mind to be able to do this. It can only be done when you make that definite choice to think and act differently, to drive down that new road.
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photo credit: joiseyshowaa @ flickr
As all of you know who read my previous post on changing those subconscious, habitual thoughts, you have to get out of your comfort zone to do so. You have to become more conscious of your thoughts, and choose to travel a different path, a path of change.
If you haven’t read that post, do so now, because here we’re going to get into Part 2: exactly how to change your habitual, subconscious thoughts.
Now about that old road you’ve been riding … remember how you got started on it? Imagine yourself again on a road trip from Point A to Point B with nothing in between but a wide-open grassy pasture, but this time you’re going to change your route …
On Day 1, you begin your trip on that same worn trail. You know you’ll get stuck on this road, but you can’t seem but to take it again. You feel too nervous, unsettled, and unsure to take any new road.
On Day 2, you’re still going the same way, that seemingly straight shot between Point A and Point B. The anxiety, depression, and fear build in you because you know you’re going to get stuck again. >> More..
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