Postpartum depression is a real issue that can strike any woman after childbirth, without warning. Hormone fluctuations can make even the most grounded and well-balanced mom feel “off.” And for many moms, we have a need to have the perfect life with our baby, and feel embarrassed if life doesn’t seem quite right.
For some, postpartum depression goes beyond what is considered “normal.” If you suffer from 3 or more of the symptoms below after having a baby, talk to someone and get help.
- I feel more tired than I think I should feel now that I’ve given birth.
- I feel overwhelmed now that the new baby is here, and I can’t think of what to do next.
- I don’t think I’m a good mother, and I’m notable to care for my baby like I want to.
- I have had bouts of depression in the past and/or it runs in my family.
- I am not the perfect mom I want to be.
- I don’t even know who I am anymore.
- I hate the way I look; I’m not even the same person.
- There is too much other stress in my life to be the mom I want to be.
- I use legal or illegal substances more than I should.
- I don’t have the support from my partner and family that I need.
- I feel like I’m going to “come unglued” at any moment, and I want to just run and hide.
Having a child takes a toll on a woman’s body, and postartum depression isn’t something imagined. While it can happen in varying degrees to women, it is an issue that needs to be considered.
The best treatment for postpartum depression is talk therapy and maybe even a mild anti-depressant. If you or someone you know exhibits the symptoms above in abundance (i.e. more than what would be considered “normal”), get help form a professional.
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Want to get back to the confident and self-fulfilled person you used to be? Wondering how you’re going to be a better mom, a better spouse, or a better business leader? If you are stuck in the muck and mire of a situation that is wearing you down, as a result you are feeling anxious, depressed, or hopeless; you might be sabotaging your own efforts to get unstuck.
Yes, what I’m saying is, it’s your fault!
Wait, wait! Before you press the delete button on this email, hear me out. Most of us sabotage >> More..
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If you don’t think we’re all vulnerable to anxiety at one time or another in our lives, then let me share a recent story from my life with you. It can go to show you just how much we have the power to control anxiety, no matter how out of control events can seem.
Just the other day, I was in court because I was subpoenaed to be a character witness in a child custody case involving a previous client of mine. My role: to say whether or not my client would be the best parent for the couple’s child. Talk about a pressure-filled responsibility and a great time to know how to control anxiety.
My credibility as a therapist could be questioned–and probably would be by the other side’s attorney. “What gave me the right to decide the fate of a child?” I kept thinking to myself. Needless to say, I was incredibly nervous. Yes, even I can get nervous, believe it or not.
Before I had to take the stand, I text-messaged my friend the word “vomit,” and for good reason. Maybe it could have made me felt better. At the moment, I wished I really could have released a little tension and freed some of the butterflies. My stomach was in knots, sweat was beaded on my forehead, worst-case scenarios were running through my mind–I was displaying all of the usual physical symptoms of anxiety.
Again, for good reason! The emotions in the entire courthouse were running high. A woman was sitting on a bench with bloodshot eyes, visibly in pain. Type-A, high-strung men in dark-blue suits with stress bags under their eyes met in small packs, glaring at me out of the corner of their eyes. From one such meeting, I overheard one of them say, “The best we can do is 5 years probation, $5000 fine and 4 months community service.”
Meanwhile, my client paced up and down the hall. And to top it off, like in some movie, there was a crying baby down the hall “The court is no place for a baby,” I couldn’t help but think. Just to think about it now gets my heart rate up. But it also brings me to my point of my post today: No matter what your cause of anxiety, you can control anxiety.
My anxiety in the courtroom came from a triggering event: bearing the weight of that responsibility and stage fright in the courtroom.
No matter where your anxiety comes from, it is all the same when it comes to treatment. For me, I applied techniques like “thought-stopping,” “redirecting,” and “reframing” to control the anxiety and change my emotions. Redirecting myself particularly worked well. For instance, I took a walk, removed myself from the scene for a moment to get a drink. I called my mom (though the topic of discussion, Hillary’s speech at the DNC, wasn’t the best!). I wrote in my journal (about writing this post). I called friends. And I diverted my mind was reading (my latest book: “Blink.”).
When you feel like anxiety has the best of you, reminder yourself it DOESN’T. What will you do the next time you feel like you’re being taken over by your negative emotions, like anxiety?
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I take no credit whatsoever for Neil Clark Warren’s “Characteristics of Authentic People” (below), but in a time of busyness, chaos, and for some, troubled-waters at home and at work, authentic living is, I think, all we have to fall back on. Living according to your Core Self is the best reminder of living authentically.
Because our society so heavily emphasizes externals – what we can see, touch, and taste – there is not much discussion inn the media, at social gatherings, or even around family dinner tables about what it means to be internally authentic and genuine. Likewise, there is little dialogue about how to achieve a deep level of life satisfaction.
The lack of discourse on these topics leaves many people vague and unclear when it comes to the issues of contentment and authenticity. We’re left with many questions; How do we know – exactly – what it means to be authentic? How can we recognize this quality in others and in ourselves? What are the internal ingredients that will lead to contentment?
If you agree with me that contentment is contingent upon being authentic, then we would be wise to know precisely what authenticity looks like. I believe ten characteristics are present in authentic people. These are, in fact, the very threads that weave together the fabric of enduring contentment.
1. Authentic People Live In The Present
It’s all too easy to live life in the future or in the past. When this happens we relive the glories and missed opportunities of years gone by or we yearn for the better days ahead. In either case, we fail to experience life as it happens. You know someone, I’m sure, who always talks about the days of old (”Remember when our college football team played for the championship and I scored the winning touchdown?”) or how life will improve in the future (”When the kids are grown and out of the house, I’ll be free to do what I want”). There’s nothing wrong with having fond memories of the past and aspirations for the future, but when they dominate your life focus, you miss the joy and richness of life as it unfolds. >> More..
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The other evening when my girls and I were out walking we came close to the playground and I noticed a girl, about 10 years old, who was swinging as fast, as hard, and as passionately as she could. From my vantage point, behind her, I could see how she thrust her legs out as she swung up and then tucked them hard under her as she swung back. Thrust up, tuck back, thrust up, tuck back. She moved with such strength and energy that you almost felt that she’d just had a huge argument with her playmate and was blowing off some steam.
I remember those days; how about you? Even now I wish we could all blow off steam like that when we find ourselves in sticky spots but since most of our cubicles, offices, and homes don’t come with a handy swing set ready and waiting, we have to find other ways to get rid of any extra harmful energy we carry. Here are my favorite ways to do this: >> More..
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