The reason we don’t change is pretty simple when you think about it. Habits, beliefs, thoughts, and “paradigms” all have a lot to do with it, but before we jump right in, let’s recap exactly how our belief system works:
- Whatever we practice becomes a habit (or belief).
- Habits (Beliefs) are rooted in our subconscious, where they function without our awareness or our permission.
- Since habits (beliefs) are alive, they will, like anything living, fight to stay alive.
- We have learned to feel certain ways, out of habit (belief).
It may not seem fair, but what was created as habit years and years ago, still remains within the psyche today. Insisting on dessert after every meal, running late to work most days, drinking coffee in the morning, sitting in traffic on the expressway on the way to work (instead of taking the train), fighting with the spouse about money, feeling sad during the holidays – all habits! I could go on and on…
Habits are at work in all of us right now, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. And because habits are so cunning and commanding, they get in the way of any positive life developments that are being made. >> More..
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photo credit: gilesclement
Stop pointing fingers. In difficult situations, being able to examine ourselves in a full-length mirror is crucial. We want to be able to ask, “What part did I play in this situation? What were my errors? Where are my flaws?”
Taking responsibility of our own thoughts, emotions and actions is empowering! It means we are able to step back from a situation and view it from a different perspective. We’re able to look beyond ourselves and see an alternative way of thinking – an alternative belief.
Personal responsibility is a choice.
Blame is crippling. It creates >> More..
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As far as I’m concerned, cognitive therapy is the “shiznit” of all therapies. For the “therapist-seeking” individual, this may not mean much. But perhaps it should – and I don’t use that term lightly (should). This is a term we in the Cognitive Therapy world term as “shoulding all over yourself.”
Cognitive therapy says this: What you feel and do is directly affected by what you think and believe.
When you change what you think and believe, you ultimately change what you feel and do. And, isn’t that the reason ALL people seek out therapy or life coaching of some sort? 100% of my clients seek outside assistance because they’ve grown incredibly tired of feeling something they don’t want to feel (like anxious, fearful, angry, or depressed) and doing things they don’t want to do (like drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or sleeping the day away).
For as long as I’ve been in private practice, >> More..
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The topic of changing your thoughts seems to be “all the rage” these days. With the “Law of Attraction” hoopla and “The Secret” being such a big hit last year, it’s as if this idea of taking charge of your own thoughts is a totally new and radical phenomenon that has people, jaw-open, bug-eyed and astounded. Frankly, I’m astounded at the astonishment. (Say that 10 times.)
In my world, these “new-fangled, radical ideas” are really very old-school. Take for example, the 1950’s new Psychology of Rational Therapy that basically said we are what we think. But even Albert Ellis drew upon the ideas of Greek Philosopher Epicetus, who dates back to 55 A.D.
“Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.” Epictetus
I know, *snoozer.* But here’s my point… >> More..
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photo credit: wander.lust
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in 2007.
“Immaturity is allowing someone else to author your history. Maturity is accepting the authorship of your history. You cannot change history, but you can write history.”
As I fumbled through some old files, cleaning up my home office, I ran across a journal of quotes I’d started in 1994. I opened the journal, and right there on the first page was this magical little quote.
During my Junior year of college, 1994, Dr. Anderson was especially memorable for his life lessons. As I read this quote, now 14 years later, I felt nostalgic. More importantly, I remember why I’d decided to keep that statement in my stash!
What It All Means
The more we retell the stories of our past, “the more important they will seem. Replaying breakup or accident scenes heightens their sentimental power, akin to repeatedly ripping the scab off a wound,” says Flora in “Self-Portrait in a Skewed Mirror.” Wouldn’t it stand to reason that if we retell a NEW story from our past, that will become just as important? >> More..
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