Archive for the ‘Mindset Development’ Category
Editor’s note: I originally posted this in October 2008. Now, one year later, I’m revisiting authenticity. Enjoy!
I have found it – the definition of authenticity! Sure, there are plenty of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys out there who claim to know all about “authentic” life styles. They say, “Listen to me. I can guide you to happiness!” Then they charge you an arm and a leg. But I think I have found the real definition of authenticity. Here it is, for free I might add. (You’re welcome!)
It comes by way of Brian Goldman, a graduate student at the University of Georgia in Athens. He was digging through centuries-old research and philosophy when he uncovered what I think is a pretty great definition:
“The unimpeded operations of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise.”
Ohhh … pretty! How simple and sweet is that, huh?
I agree completely with it too, which you probably already knew because I’ve been using the same definition of authenticity for quite sometime now.
Another one of my favorites is Neil Lark Warren’s 10 Characteristics in Finding Contentment. I’ve also recently been struck by so-called physical acts of authenticity, which the authors outlined in a newer issue of Psychology Today.
These physical acts of authenticity are:
1. Meditate. Think of it only as a way to get to your “happy place,” not a technique to influence outside forces. For instance, why do you work? To earn money to buy pretty things. Why do you meditate? To achieve internal happiness. I can handle that.
2. Be Deliberate. Be conscious that you have choices. You can choose to change (lol–”I choose change!”), or you can choose to stick with what you have. You can choose to move forward, go backward, or do nothing at all. Being deliberate simply means acting consciously, with purpose.
3. Act Intuitively. Sure, you got me; this runs counter to No. 2. But as we’ve talked about before, acting consciously can sometimes be detrimental when too much rationalizing and reasoning gets in the way of your gut feelings. Don’t be afraid to follow your instincts. They’re there to guide you forward.
4. Create Solitude. There’s nothing like shutting down–on purpose–so you can recharge. We’re talking power down your blackberry, shut your door, turn off the TV and the laptop, and provide yourself the space to just thing and be. Authentic people regularly look inside and listen to their intuition, but they can’t do this with all the chaos of the modern world swirling around them.
5. Stay Connected. Thomas Moore, author of A Life at Work, says, “Community is an outlook toward life in which you define yourself in relation to the world around you, rather than only in connection with yourself.” Community, he is saying, is a way to enlarge our own sense of self.
6. Play Hard. Don’t hold back when doing what you really love, whether it’s tennis, running, art, dancing. It allows you to fully express who you are at your core.
7. Be Willing to Lose. Authentic people know that failure is part of growing. You must be willing to stare down your failures, learn from them, and move forward if you are to live an authentic life.
I take no credit for the above definitions. But I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of taking personal responsibility for life’s challenges. That means peering inside for answers on why we do what we do, feel what we feel, and think what we think. It’s only through an authentic life that we can look internally, and take personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is the genius of change!
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As far as I’m concerned, cognitive therapy is the “shiznit” of all therapies. For the “therapist-seeking” individual, this may not mean much. But perhaps it should – and I don’t use that term lightly (should). This is a term we in the Cognitive Therapy world term as “shoulding all over yourself.”
Cognitive therapy says this: What you feel and do is directly affected by what you think and believe.
When you change what you think and believe, you ultimately change what you feel and do. And, isn’t that the reason ALL people seek out therapy or life coaching of some sort? 100% of my clients seek outside assistance because they’ve grown incredibly tired of feeling something they don’t want to feel (like anxious, fearful, angry, or depressed) and doing things they don’t want to do (like drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or sleeping the day away).
For as long as I’ve been in private practice, >> More..
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photo credit: h.koppdelaney
Each time I mention positive affirmation to my clients, my mind goes through the “Stuart Smalley” Saturday Night Live spoof. You know the one. Where Stuart (a.k.a., Al Franken) looks in a full-length mirror and proclaims, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!”
And at the same time, I can see the look on my client’s faces, saying, “Seriously? That never works!”
Some clients have even recited the phrase to me in a mocking way.
OK, OK, I get it. Positive affirmations have gotten a bad wrap. (It’s gotten me one too!)
But there are times when we need SOMETHING to turn our negative ship around. When we have nothing else to grasp … except a positive phrase. One of those situations when you have to laugh just so you don’t break down in tears.
I had one such situation last night: >> More..
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photo credit: stuartpilbrow
If you read my post last week, you’ll know all about changing your subconscious thoughts. It’s a matter simply of changing what you habitually think and do, and to do so, you have to be aware of what you’re thinking and doing. The formula for success is: Thoughts create emotions, emotions create actions.
A client told me recently, “Sometimes I just can’t be aware of what I’m thinking and feeling. It’s just not the best time. I mean, I can’t just have a breakdown right then and there.” She was right!
Sometimes there will be times when it’s just not possible to let the emotion out. Let’s get real with an example. Let’s say you’re are work with your boss, talking about your next big project. All the while, your mind is focusing on an argument you had with your spouse that morning. You feel edgy, irritable, sad.
During a moment like this, it is perfectly OK to shelve your emotions in your back pocket.
But you want to hear some good news before the bad news? Most of us are already excellent at this shelving. The bad news? Most of us forget to pull out and examine those emotions later. Instead, we keep them stuffed away, where the emotions stew, grow, and soon take on a life of their own.
Let’s keep going with our example above … after work, you’re home with the kids, who are wired out of their minds and not paying you any attention. You feel edgy and can’t figure out why you snap at them. You manage to hold off and not completely lose it on your children–by stuffing your emotions in your back pocket again.
After you put the kids to bed, you’re finally alone. You uncork a bottle of wine, sprawl on your couch, and have a glass … and then another. You’re isolating yourself, drowning yourself, wishing the day away.
You can repeat this pattern, day in and day out, until one day you explode! You have a panic attack at work. Or you sleep all day. Or you go on a shopping spree. Or you have a blowup with your husband. Pick your poison, but in any case, your emotions are speaking loudly, leading you to actions that are way over the top.
“I don’t even know where that came from,” you say after you come down off your emotional high.
Oh, really? I know.
Your emotions burst out of your back pocket. Remember those emotions? The ones you kept stuffing there over and over until it was impossible to stuff any more?
The secret to stopping this vicious cycle is to recognize the MANY signs of distress that appear before that big physical explosion. Then address that distress.
How? Revisit your emotions regularly. At the end of the day, take the time to empty your back pocket, so to speak. Recall what got you worked up during the day and talk about it, journal about it, meditate on it–in other words, deal with it. Do whatever it takes, but clear those emotions out of your pocket.
You have to be conscious of your emotions and what’s taking up space in your mind to be able to do this. It can only be done when you make that definite choice to think and act differently, to drive down that new road.
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Daydream a moment… slip into your brightest, most cheerful swimsuit, grab hold of your best friend’s hand, and make a mad dash through the water sprinkler in the yard of your cranky neighbor. Now yell, scream, and laugh at the top of your lungs… How does it feel?
Do that in your mind, and you just changed your mindset.
“The search is what anyone would undertake if he were not sunk in the everydayness of his own life…To become aware of the possibility of the search is to be onto something. Not to be onto something is to be in despair…What do you seek?” –Binx Bolling, in Walker Percy’s The Moviegoer
Your mindset is simply your way of thinking, and your way of thinking determines how open you are to change. Clarifying your mindset really says a great deal about the adjustments you’ll be inviting into your life, especially since you are fully responsible for the changes taking place.
If you are stuck in the muck and mire of your own life >> More..
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