Archive for the ‘Gratitude’ Category
Editor’s note: I originally posted this in October 2008. Now, one year later, I’m revisiting authenticity. Enjoy!
I have found it – the definition of authenticity! Sure, there are plenty of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys out there who claim to know all about “authentic” life styles. They say, “Listen to me. I can guide you to happiness!” Then they charge you an arm and a leg. But I think I have found the real definition of authenticity. Here it is, for free I might add. (You’re welcome!)
It comes by way of Brian Goldman, a graduate student at the University of Georgia in Athens. He was digging through centuries-old research and philosophy when he uncovered what I think is a pretty great definition:
“The unimpeded operations of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise.”
Ohhh … pretty! How simple and sweet is that, huh?
I agree completely with it too, which you probably already knew because I’ve been using the same definition of authenticity for quite sometime now.
Another one of my favorites is Neil Lark Warren’s 10 Characteristics in Finding Contentment. I’ve also recently been struck by so-called physical acts of authenticity, which the authors outlined in a newer issue of Psychology Today.
These physical acts of authenticity are:
1. Meditate. Think of it only as a way to get to your “happy place,” not a technique to influence outside forces. For instance, why do you work? To earn money to buy pretty things. Why do you meditate? To achieve internal happiness. I can handle that.
2. Be Deliberate. Be conscious that you have choices. You can choose to change (lol–”I choose change!”), or you can choose to stick with what you have. You can choose to move forward, go backward, or do nothing at all. Being deliberate simply means acting consciously, with purpose.
3. Act Intuitively. Sure, you got me; this runs counter to No. 2. But as we’ve talked about before, acting consciously can sometimes be detrimental when too much rationalizing and reasoning gets in the way of your gut feelings. Don’t be afraid to follow your instincts. They’re there to guide you forward.
4. Create Solitude. There’s nothing like shutting down–on purpose–so you can recharge. We’re talking power down your blackberry, shut your door, turn off the TV and the laptop, and provide yourself the space to just thing and be. Authentic people regularly look inside and listen to their intuition, but they can’t do this with all the chaos of the modern world swirling around them.
5. Stay Connected. Thomas Moore, author of A Life at Work, says, “Community is an outlook toward life in which you define yourself in relation to the world around you, rather than only in connection with yourself.” Community, he is saying, is a way to enlarge our own sense of self.
6. Play Hard. Don’t hold back when doing what you really love, whether it’s tennis, running, art, dancing. It allows you to fully express who you are at your core.
7. Be Willing to Lose. Authentic people know that failure is part of growing. You must be willing to stare down your failures, learn from them, and move forward if you are to live an authentic life.
I take no credit for the above definitions. But I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of taking personal responsibility for life’s challenges. That means peering inside for answers on why we do what we do, feel what we feel, and think what we think. It’s only through an authentic life that we can look internally, and take personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is the genius of change!
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One of the first things I do when working with a client is ask them about their support group. From friends, family, spouse, co-workers, church members, and others, I want to know who around this client knows what’s going on with them, and will support them no matter what.
Usually, I’m met with a “deer-in-headlights” look.
Rarely do clients want to take their “therapy issue” to their support system. Spouses may know an angry side of the problem, but that’s not REALLY knowing. But who helps us keep balanced?
By REALLY knowing someone, I’m talking about the core of that person. The person that has such a bad day that you >> More..
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Do you ever wonder why it sometimes feels so hard to “stop and smell the roses” on the pathway of life? I often find myself wishing for the next “chapter” in my life to begin, without taking time to savor what I DO have, and what is currently going on. For example, many people often tell themselves that life will be better when “I have more free time,” “We have more money,” or even, “when my children start school.” Rarely do we take the time to look at what is currently going on and appreciate it. Instead of spending time focusing on what we DON’T have, and what we wish for, it’s time to focus on what we DO have, and to be grateful for today. Here are some tips to help you accomplish just that:
1. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. If you find yourself starting to think those wishful thoughts, stop yourself. Replace your usual “when I, with “right now.” Instead of, “when I have more money,” for example, say “with the money I have now, I can…” This allows you to not only focus on the present, but to stay positive.
2. Count your blessings. All of them. Go on; make a list of everything that you appreciate in your life at this moment. This will allow you to see, on paper, how much you DO have.
3. Appreciate the little things. Maybe your husband takes the trash out without you having to ask him. Maybe there was no traffic on the way to work today. Or maybe your mother in law gave you a compliment. Whatever it is, take time to acknowledge the little things day to day. You may even want to acknowledge these out loud. Tell your husband, “Thank you” for taking the trash out, and tell him you appreciate it. This will not only help you feel positive, but will make him feel good too.
4. Journal. This powerful tool can be one of your best secret weapons! I always encourage my clients to journal. There is just something about being able to get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. It’s kind of a release. If you’re feeling down, and counting the days until the next chapter in life starts, take the time to write it out, letting go of all those pent up emotions and aggravation.
5. Make a list. Write down everything you want to accomplish in life. Write down your goals, your hopes, your dreams, and desires. Write down big things (travel to Europe), and small things (take the dog on a walk at least 3 times a week). Keep this somewhere within easy access, and when you have accomplished something, cross it off the list. Also, add to it from time to time. This will help you see (once again, the visual, concrete image!) that you ARE achieving your goals.
6. Breathe. When you start feeling overwhelmed, or like life will never be the way you want it…take a deep breath. Close your eyes, and think about what life was like a year ago. Three years ago. Five years ago. Think about how far you’ve come. Tell yourself that you will get to the place you want to be. It just takes time.
Erica S. Gould is a Licensed Professional Counselor helping children, teens, and adults achieve happiness and reach their full potential. She can be reached through her website at http://www.ichoosechange.com/erica.html.
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It’s only fitting that in this week of Thanksgiving, we talk about giving thanks and having gratitude. While some may view this week as chaotic, stressful, and anxious-ridden with extended family, my hope for you is that you give thanks for the abundance, prosperity, peace, and joy in your life.
Giving thanks really means being thankful for the gifts you have in your life. If you don’t already view the things in your life as a gift, try shifting your focus from what you DON’T have to focus on what you DO have. You can even do this in the midst of chaos and when your life is feeling particularly stressful. Even mounting bills are things to be thankful for. The vendors behind those bills have provided a lifestyle for you that you wouldn’t have otherwise have had. Your bills are a gift. That’s an example of a true shift in focus.
As soon as you start feeling grateful and happy about the things you have, you will start to attract and have more blessings in your life. Everybody goes through things they don’t like and times that are hard, but it’s those who remain grateful and thankful for what they DO have, who have true joy, peace, and abundance in their lives. Start to see EVERYTHING as the gift that it is.
There is a distinction to be made between happiness and gratitude. They are not the same, although we sometimes use them interchangeably. To be grateful means giving thanks for something that’s been given as a gift. It can be a person in our life that was giving, or nature, or God. It was such a surprise to me this time last year as I pulled up to the window of Starbucks for my traditional “Non-fat, Peppermint, No-whip Caffe Mocha” (I recommend the drink wholeheartedly!), the car in front of me had paid for my drink! I tried to get a glimpse of them, but I didn’t catch them in time and they sped away. The person working in the window said, “They told me to tell you Happy Holidays!” It was such a treat. I felt grateful for the gift of not only the drink, but the thoughtfulness.
Contrary to feeling grateful, happiness would be something one just feels good about. You can be happy that it’s sunny outside, or grateful that the sunshine has been provided (the gift of sunshine!). You can be happy to have an extra $100 in the bank, but grateful that the extra money has been given as a gift. You get the point.
Having gratitude means being content. Being thankful and grateful leads to more contentment. Conversely, continually wanting more and more external things leads to the feeling of emptiness and unhappiness. It is human to want more, but that does not keep you from growing and evolving; it’s easy to get trapped by the feeling of not having enough in your life. To be content, get out of the rut of wanting more, more, more, and just experience that right now, in this moment, you are satisfied and content.
Research shows that “daily gratitude exercises resulted in higher reported levels of alertness, enthusiasm, determinism, optimism, and energy.” According to Michael McCullough of Southern Methodist University, “Anyone can increase their sense of well-being and create positive social effects just by counting their blessings.”
So for this week, give thanks, have gratitude, and experience the overwhelming abundance, peace, and joy pouring into your life.
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