Archive for the ‘Emotional Well-being’ Category
Editor’s note: I originally posted this in October 2008. Now, one year later, I’m revisiting authenticity. Enjoy!
I have found it – the definition of authenticity! Sure, there are plenty of Toms, Dicks, and Harrys out there who claim to know all about “authentic” life styles. They say, “Listen to me. I can guide you to happiness!” Then they charge you an arm and a leg. But I think I have found the real definition of authenticity. Here it is, for free I might add. (You’re welcome!)
It comes by way of Brian Goldman, a graduate student at the University of Georgia in Athens. He was digging through centuries-old research and philosophy when he uncovered what I think is a pretty great definition:
“The unimpeded operations of one’s true or core self in one’s daily enterprise.”
Ohhh … pretty! How simple and sweet is that, huh?
I agree completely with it too, which you probably already knew because I’ve been using the same definition of authenticity for quite sometime now.
Another one of my favorites is Neil Lark Warren’s 10 Characteristics in Finding Contentment. I’ve also recently been struck by so-called physical acts of authenticity, which the authors outlined in a newer issue of Psychology Today.
These physical acts of authenticity are:
1. Meditate. Think of it only as a way to get to your “happy place,” not a technique to influence outside forces. For instance, why do you work? To earn money to buy pretty things. Why do you meditate? To achieve internal happiness. I can handle that.
2. Be Deliberate. Be conscious that you have choices. You can choose to change (lol–”I choose change!”), or you can choose to stick with what you have. You can choose to move forward, go backward, or do nothing at all. Being deliberate simply means acting consciously, with purpose.
3. Act Intuitively. Sure, you got me; this runs counter to No. 2. But as we’ve talked about before, acting consciously can sometimes be detrimental when too much rationalizing and reasoning gets in the way of your gut feelings. Don’t be afraid to follow your instincts. They’re there to guide you forward.
4. Create Solitude. There’s nothing like shutting down–on purpose–so you can recharge. We’re talking power down your blackberry, shut your door, turn off the TV and the laptop, and provide yourself the space to just thing and be. Authentic people regularly look inside and listen to their intuition, but they can’t do this with all the chaos of the modern world swirling around them.
5. Stay Connected. Thomas Moore, author of A Life at Work, says, “Community is an outlook toward life in which you define yourself in relation to the world around you, rather than only in connection with yourself.” Community, he is saying, is a way to enlarge our own sense of self.
6. Play Hard. Don’t hold back when doing what you really love, whether it’s tennis, running, art, dancing. It allows you to fully express who you are at your core.
7. Be Willing to Lose. Authentic people know that failure is part of growing. You must be willing to stare down your failures, learn from them, and move forward if you are to live an authentic life.
I take no credit for the above definitions. But I wholeheartedly believe in the importance of taking personal responsibility for life’s challenges. That means peering inside for answers on why we do what we do, feel what we feel, and think what we think. It’s only through an authentic life that we can look internally, and take personal responsibility. Personal responsibility is the genius of change!
Popularity: 48% [?]
It’s no secret… the economy isn’t exactly booming. And while I think we may have stabalized a bit, I am hearing many say their stress and anxiety levels are still on the rise!
I heard myself say on more than one occasion since the economy start floundering that I was secretly glad so many people were having to change their lifestyles. The cat’s out of the bag now! But here’s why I feel more positive when others are feeling the stress: I see golden opportunities!
Whether you’re one who has lost your job or not, like many others you may have decided to tweak some things in your personal life just a bit. And while I don’t advocate taking a “just in case” stance, I do think there are steps we can take that reap HUGE rewards in our personal lives during ANY economic climate. Here are a few ideas:
- Spend more time with family. Many claim to be in disparate need of life balance, eager to spend more time at home with family, but most don’t walk that talk. When forced to act because of a lay off or downsize, some don’t know quite what to do with themselves. I can’t think of one negative thing associated with some good, quality time with the family. Can you?
- Find pleasure in small things. If you’ve decided to downsize, keeping a “wealth plan” (what others may call a “budget”) means getting creative so you won’t feel deprived. Joy in small things can bring a renewed sense of spirit and energy! Take your dog for an extra long walk. Play games with your spouse and kids. Air up the tires and go for a spin on your bike. Watch a family movie that everyone enjoys. Finding pleasure in small things can be very inexpensive, while providing incredible mental health rewards!
- Eating in and being healthier. When I was growing up, eating out was considered a real treat! It was only on special occasions like a birthday, graduation, or some other celebration that we saw the inside of a restaurant. Today, my family eats out way more than I care to put in black and white! In fact, most families I know eat out more than they should, which means we aren’t as healthy as we could be. Eating in not only brings us closer to family (”a family that eats together, stays together”), but it helps our “bottom” line as well!
- Picking up a new hobby. I mentioned that I crochet to a friend the other day, and was was met with a chuckle. If you’re new to my blog, that fact may lead you to believe I’m eligible for a senior discount. Nope! I’m just someone who has found an extra hobby I enjoy! Think of a new hobby you’d like to try like painting, knitting, bocce ball, horseshoes, gardening, web design, writing, or any number of things. The sky’s the limit!
- Working on personal development. What better time to work on your state of mind than now? Mental health development is a lot like physical development: when you begin a new exercise program, you aren’t going to notice much change. But over time, you will begin to see the fruits of your labor. You feel stronger, more self-confident, and more powerful! So, while you’ve got more time on your hands, and whether you’re stressed and anxious or not, use this time to start a new journal, read a new self-help book, begin a new coaching program, or start your own support group.
There are many ways to stay connected, feel supported, and gain insight during good and bad economic times. And if this is a time that propels you to do things differently in your life, bravo!
(Warning, shamless plug coming up!) There are several ways I’m eager to help my clients during these times. And, if you’ve thought about hiring a personal coach or counselor, but think you may not have the funds for it, think again.
There is no time like the present to work on bettering yourself. Here are a few things to consider:
- Join an upcoming support group to help you learn the basics of personal development and change. Groups start at only $25. (A steal!)
- Consider getting the support of a coach or counselor without ever stepping foot in an office. Purchasing a “Change Retainer” package means you have a counselor at your email disposal throughout the month for only $45. (A steal!)
- Use your I Choose Change journal (free!), and weekly coffee with a good friend to help you make your own changes. Just a little nudge from a counselor or coach to steer you in the right direction may be all you need.
Finding the positives in a negative economy isn’t incredibly easy, but it does test your willpower. Make a list of ways you’d like to set your new course, then get started!
Popularity: 22% [?]
I love taking vacations (don’t we all?). Unfortunately, like most people, I am only able to get away about once a year. After my recent trip to Mexico, I decided that taking vacations are NOT optional!
This was a much needed trip—we have both been worn out from everything life has thrown our way: work stress, family stress, and general social stress. And, to top if off, we are two people who are not always the most pleasant to be around when we haven’t fed our own “down time” needs!
Vacation Equals Mental Health
Most of us weather through life with many of the same everyday, mundane stressors. Whether you choose to vacation with the entire family, or with just your significant other, this is why I think we should all be on a mission to make vacation MANDATORY: >> More..
Popularity: 49% [?]
One of the first things I do when working with a client is ask them about their support group. From friends, family, spouse, co-workers, church members, and others, I want to know who around this client knows what’s going on with them, and will support them no matter what.
Usually, I’m met with a “deer-in-headlights” look.
Rarely do clients want to take their “therapy issue” to their support system. Spouses may know an angry side of the problem, but that’s not REALLY knowing. But who helps us keep balanced?
By REALLY knowing someone, I’m talking about the core of that person. The person that has such a bad day that you >> More..
Popularity: 75% [?]
As far as I’m concerned, cognitive therapy is the “shiznit” of all therapies. For the “therapist-seeking” individual, this may not mean much. But perhaps it should – and I don’t use that term lightly (should). This is a term we in the Cognitive Therapy world term as “shoulding all over yourself.”
Cognitive therapy says this: What you feel and do is directly affected by what you think and believe.
When you change what you think and believe, you ultimately change what you feel and do. And, isn’t that the reason ALL people seek out therapy or life coaching of some sort? 100% of my clients seek outside assistance because they’ve grown incredibly tired of feeling something they don’t want to feel (like anxious, fearful, angry, or depressed) and doing things they don’t want to do (like drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or sleeping the day away).
For as long as I’ve been in private practice, >> More..
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