Comments on: Why Moms Feel an Extraordinary Connection with Their Child (and What Happens When They Don’t) http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/2009/09/a-secure-base-why-moms-feel-an-extraordinary-connection-with-their-child/ Building Stronger Families Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:56:14 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Jennifer M. Ryan, M.Ed. http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/2009/09/a-secure-base-why-moms-feel-an-extraordinary-connection-with-their-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1095 Jennifer M. Ryan, M.Ed. Wed, 09 Sep 2009 04:21:37 +0000 http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/?p=466#comment-1095 Laurie - I'd love to have a male response to this, but my first reaction is that I don't think this is true. While I didn't experience this in my own childhood, I see it in my marriage. My husband, with my girls, is the absolute BEST father, and in a million years I couldn't dream up seeing a father behave this way with his child. I didn't experience it, and it's not what I was taught growing up. What I learned closely resembled what you said above. And, there are other messages I got about men, too. Like, "Men aren't emotional" and "Men have a one-track mind" just to name a few. Admittedly, my husband has had difficulty in his expression of emotions in our marriage to ME, but with our girls (twin toddlers), he absolutely, 100%, expresses, feels, loves unconditionally, and continually leaves me feeling speechless just in his interaction with them. The relationship they have defies all learned messages, both conscious and subconscious, I learned growing up. I am TRULY in love, and in awe, of his unconditional love of our children. Melissa - Thank you! Yes, it's the realization that the little beings in our life depend so fully on us physically and emotionally, that even in the frustrated and exhausted times, being able to "get over it" and just be with them, is so important. I'll take a look at your website! Laurie – I’d love to have a male response to this, but my first reaction is that I don’t think this is true. While I didn’t experience this in my own childhood, I see it in my marriage. My husband, with my girls, is the absolute BEST father, and in a million years I couldn’t dream up seeing a father behave this way with his child. I didn’t experience it, and it’s not what I was taught growing up. What I learned closely resembled what you said above. And, there are other messages I got about men, too. Like, “Men aren’t emotional” and “Men have a one-track mind” just to name a few. Admittedly, my husband has had difficulty in his expression of emotions in our marriage to ME, but with our girls (twin toddlers), he absolutely, 100%, expresses, feels, loves unconditionally, and continually leaves me feeling speechless just in his interaction with them. The relationship they have defies all learned messages, both conscious and subconscious, I learned growing up. I am TRULY in love, and in awe, of his unconditional love of our children.

Melissa – Thank you! Yes, it’s the realization that the little beings in our life depend so fully on us physically and emotionally, that even in the frustrated and exhausted times, being able to “get over it” and just be with them, is so important. I’ll take a look at your website!

]]> By: Laurie http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/2009/09/a-secure-base-why-moms-feel-an-extraordinary-connection-with-their-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1090 Laurie Tue, 08 Sep 2009 14:44:32 +0000 http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/?p=466#comment-1090 I had a discussion just last week with a guy on unconditional love. He agreed with me in that I believe that mom's are able to give unconditional love to their children but I'm not so sure that is the case with the dads. I wonder what biologically sets up in women and not in men. Men are the protectors so you would think their love would be unconditional as well. How can they protect something with their lives that they don't love unconditionally? Just some pondering.... I had a discussion just last week with a guy on unconditional love. He agreed with me in that I believe that mom’s are able to give unconditional love to their children but I’m not so sure that is the case with the dads. I wonder what biologically sets up in women and not in men. Men are the protectors so you would think their love would be unconditional as well. How can they protect something with their lives that they don’t love unconditionally? Just some pondering….

]]> By: Melissa http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/2009/09/a-secure-base-why-moms-feel-an-extraordinary-connection-with-their-child/comment-page-1/#comment-1086 Melissa Mon, 07 Sep 2009 02:52:25 +0000 http://www.ichoosechange.com/blog/?p=466#comment-1086 What a great post; I loved the Bowlby quote. It really is true, no matter how tired or sick I may be, knowing that I mean so much to my kids makes me feel better. What a great post; I loved the Bowlby quote. It really is true, no matter how tired or sick I may be, knowing that I mean so much to my kids makes me feel better.

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