photo credit: ziga-zaga

It’s a sad, though common, state of affairs. I see it in my office, hear about it from my friends, and struggle with it myself. In fact, it seems to be an epidemic among women, especially those with children.

I’m not talking about weight issues, marital strife, or financial concerns, although all of those are fair game. No, what Im talking about is even more important than all those issues because without this, none of the others will “work out.” I’m talking about none other than balance.

Women today wear about a billion different hats: mother, wife, daughter, friend, professional, church volunteer, playdate organizer, etc. So it’s no surprise that the role most often neglected is that of self.

When Do I Get Taken Care Of?

And really, this is no surprise. Think about it. When you neglect doing something for someone else such as attending your daughter’s softball game, making dinner for your family, or sending a birthday card to your sister, someone’s going to be a little put out. On the other hand, if you sacrifice taking care of yourself no one’s going to be upset. In other words, putting everyone’s needs above your own sometimes seems like the only negotiable option.

Unfortunately, it’s not quite as negotiable as you may think.

You may not feel the short-term effects of choosing other things and people over yourself day in and day out. You may even promise yourself that someday you’ll get around to paying attention to yourself and will make up for lost opportunities and time. Unfortunately, what you don’t realize is that each time you “bail out” on yourself someone does feel put out and left out: your True Self.

Deep inside something feels incredibly “right” when you nurture and care for your True Self’s needs and wants. You feel cared for, loved, and watched over, as if you were your own ideal mother. And just like a plant that is tended to, you grow, thrive, and are healthy. And of course the opposite is just as true: neglect leads to feelings of resentment, disdain, and unhealthy habits.

A friend of mine told me a story that illustrated this point quite well. She told me that she was on her way home from her yearly gynecologist visit when she realized that she was singing in the car, enjoying the weather, and feeling like a million bucks. She felt a huge sense of contentment because she did something for herself! Keep in mind that she was coming home from a doctor’s appointment — not some swanky spa day!  A gynecologist appointment nonetheless!

There is no step-by-step program that leads to achieving this balance between caring for others and caring for yourself. Instead you just have to carve out personal time day in and day out. You can’t assume that someday it will become easier or that you’ll make up for the neglect at some point in the future. No, you just have to do it everyday without guilt, without feeling as if you are cheating others out of something.  And even if you do have a little guilt, do it anyway.

For me, today is a perfect example. I worked on this article right after a hair appointment where I not only got a new look but was also able to read an entire issue of People Magazine! I easily could have filled that hour and a half time slot with clients, which would have meant more money; with kid-time, which would have meant excitement for my daughters; or cleaning time, which would have meant a shinny kitchen sink and super clean floors. All of those things are valuable but I had to remind myself that none are as valuable as taking care of myself.

We women can’t sustain a busy life when we neglect the machine that handles all the business.

Making yourself a priority is like spending quality time with a child; that time and energy creates a strong relationship that can handle rough patches. Without that time, rough patches become huge holes in the road of life.

To answer the question, “When do I get taken care of?” the answer is simple:  When do you want to get taken care of?  If not now, when?

So, no matter how you create time to take care of yourself, do it. And if you can’t create time, just take it! You may even have to do what a good friend does does. She literally writes “spontaneous time” in a 3-hour block on her calendar, and that appointment, just like yours, is 100% non-negotiable.

For Discussion:

• Do you find it hard to give back to yourself, so you feel balance?
• What are ways you regularly “fill your cup”?
• Does taking care of yourself make you feel guilty?