photo credit: ViaMoi

As far as I’m concerned, cognitive therapy is the “shiznit” of all therapies.  For the “therapist-seeking” individual, this may not mean much.  But perhaps it should – and I don’t use that term lightly (should).  This is a term we in the Cognitive Therapy world term as “shoulding all over yourself.” 

Cognitive therapy says this:  What you feel and do is directly affected by what you think and believe.

 When you change what you think and believe, you ultimately change what you feel and do.  And, isn’t that the reason ALL people seek out therapy or life coaching of some sort?  100% of my clients seek outside assistance because they’ve grown incredibly tired of feeling something they don’t want to feel (like anxious, fearful, angry, or depressed) and doing things they don’t want to do (like drinking too much, yelling at their kids, or sleeping the day away).

For as long as I’ve been in private practice, I’ve had a sheet posted on my website, accessible to all entitled “Train Your Therapist.”  While searching for a therapist, this isn’t a “one-size-fits-all” gig.  Afterall, you’re looking for a therapist that will help you change your LIFE.  This *is* a tall order, isn’t it?  So the search is one that mustn’t be taken lightly!

So, what is the nitty-gritty of cognitive therapy and why do I boast it’s name so proudly?

Cognitive therapy is about changing “twisted” thinking.  There are common errors we make on a regular basis that get us in to trouble in conversations with others.  Because every one of us perceives differently, we tend to get hung up on “the truth.”  The truth is essentially, YOUR truth and MY truth.  We have different perceptions.

Let me give you an example of distorted thinking:

1. Mind-Reading – Assuming you know what another person thinks and feels is mind-reading.  We do this often in relationships when we think we know what our spouses will say and do before they’ve even done it.
2. Reverse Mind-Reading – Assuming another person who is close to you, such as your spouse, should automatically be able to read YOUR mind, knowing exactly what you feel, what you want, and what you think.
3. Fortune-Telling – Thinking you know what the future holds, and thereby acting as if it’s already occurring.  Hence, a self-fulfilling prophecy happens – what you don’t want to happen inevitably happens because you’ve acted in a way to sabotage the current situation, by thinking you know what the future holds.
4. Emotional Reasoning – Judging situations, yourself and others based on how you feel, unwittingly creating the exact situation you DON’T want to happen because you have convinced yourself your emotions are “the truth.”
5. All or Nothing Thinking – Seeing at the world in absolutes, with no shades of gray.  Black and white thinking is the essence of fighting for “the truth,” without regard or understanding of the fact that there are, in fact, many truths and many perceptions in one situation!
6. Overgeneralization – Creating sweeping conclusions about yourself, someone else, or a situation thereby denying other “truths.” 
7. Mental Filter – Discounting what is going well, and focusing only on negative traits and behaviors of a situation or person.  This means filtering out other qualities, thereby turning a blind eye to other aspects and characteristics of a situation or person.
8. Should Statements – Criticizing yourself, someone else, or a situation based on what you feel “should, shouldn’t, must, or ought” to happen.  This is fighting for an unspoken “truth,” wreaking havoc when these “shoulds” don’t come to pass.
9. Labeling – Placing a label on someone else, yourself, or a situation thereby boxing them in to your “truth.”  For example, after an argument with an acquaintance, you may now label this person as a “jerk” from here on out.
10. Blame – Lacking the ability to take personal responsibility and instead, blaming others or yourself as the cause of a problem.  “Other blame” creates anger, frustration and resentment over time.  “Self blame” creates self-loathing, depression, worthlessness and guilt.

The biggest frustrations, resentments, and emotional turmoil occur because we hold onto a false idea of what “the truth” is.  We are entitled to what we believe about a situation, but so is everyone else. 

The popular John Meyer song, “Belief” says this:

Everyone believes
In how they think it ought to be
Everyone believes
And they’re not going easily

Belief is a beautiful armor
But makes for the heaviest sword
Like punching under water
You never can hit who you’re trying for

The real truth is, there are many truths.  We can “undisturb” ourselves when we’re able to stop twisting our own thinking and look at situations from a different truth.  We don’t have to believe that truth, but we do have to at least be able to look at it objectively if we’re going to have less emotional angst.

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Related posts:

1. “It’s Not My Fault!”: Taking Personal Responsibility in Difficult Situations
2. 3 Reasons We Just Won’t Change
3. The Benefits of Therapy by Phone

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Tags: beliefs, choice, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
Posted in Anxiety and Stress Management, Business Development, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Depression, Emotional Well-being, Life Change, Mindset Development | 3 Comments »