photo credit: Andi♥

Editors Note: The below article is written by contributor and I Choose Change counselor, Erica Gould.

Today is a special day. It marks the one year anniversary of my Grandmother unexpectedly passing away. The bond I had with her was so tender, soft, and loving.

Today I’ve had many thoughts. What can I do to remember her? Will I get through the day without becoming an emotional wreck? How do I take care of my family members who are still grieving?

Everyone will experience a loss at some point in their lives; many already have. For me, losing my Grandma was my first significant loss. And while I’ve always known “textbook” concepts of grief, this past year I received my crash course in the stages of grief.

Grief is defined as a “keen mental suffering or distress over affliction or loss; sharp sorrow; painful regret.” According to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, there are 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining (”what if’s” and “if only’s”), Depression, and Acceptance. Most people will go through some or  all of these stages at some point during the grief process. However, we differ in how quickly we get through it, and it is not neccesarily in the same order.

From the title of this article I’m sure you can guess what my main point is with this: anniversaries, including the “less happy” kind are important, and the first one can be very difficult.

1. Commemorate the day by doing something special in honor of your loved one. For example, do some gardening and plant a tree or rose bush. As it continues to grow and flourish, you will be reminded of your loved one.
2. Journal. Spend some time writing out your feelings about what this day means to you and what emotions you are experiencing. Getting things out of our head and off our chest is very powerful.
3. Look at pictures or watch videos that include your loved ones.  This may have been a hard thing to do immediately following their deaths, but as time moves on, you will find comfort in seeing their faces and hearing their voices.
4. If you are a religious person, attend Church or Synogouge services.  This can help you feel closer, spiritually, to your loved one, as well as offer community support.
5. Surround yourself with support.  As much as you may want to be alone at this time, try to spend some time with family and friends. Even better, together you can remember your loved one by having a fun meal, going out, or doing something else that the person you are remembering would have enjoyed.
6. Allow yourself to feel.  Cry, yell, whatever.  Just don’t ignore your feelings or try to push them aside — welcome all of the emotions, and honor them.

Erica S. Gould is a Licensed Professional Counselor helping children, teens, and adults achieve happiness and reach their full potential. She can be reached through her website at http://www.ichoosechange.com/erica.html.

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