The topic of changing your thoughts seems to be “all the rage” these days. With the “Law of Attraction” hoopla and “The Secret” being such a big hit last year, it’s as if this idea of taking charge of your own thoughts is a totally new and radical phenomenon that has people, jaw-open, bug-eyed and astounded. Frankly, I’m astounded at the astonishment. (Say that 10 times.)
In my world, these “new-fangled, radical ideas” are really very old-school. Take for example, the 1950’s new Psychology of Rational Therapy that basically said we are what we think. But even Albert Ellis drew upon the ideas of Greek Philosopher Epicetus, who dates back to 55 A.D.
“Men are disturbed not by things,
but by the view which they take of them.” Epictetus
I know, *snoozer.* But here’s my point…
Changing your thoughts is NOT new. But, the idea has gained incredible momentum, and for good reason… it works! Whether you’ve read about or studied the new approaches to thought changing or have not found yourself in the midst of the buzz, the idea of changing your thoughts so you change how you feel is an incredibly useful tool. Why? Well, if you feel disturbed by something, you’re the only one who can UN-disturb yourself. Really. These are called the “ABCs” of thought change.
A = This is your Activating Event. Your “activating event” is the outside source or external event that creates emotional upset. (Or, more correctly, creates the PERCEPTION of upset.)
B = This is your Belief and Thought about the Activating Event. Your perception about some event outside of yourself is what wreaks havoc on your emotions.
C = This is your Consequence to your Beliefs and Thoughts. How you feel and what you do about the activating event is just a consequence of your thoughts and beliefs on that outside event.
Clear as mud? Here’s an example:
==> It’s 9:15am and you’re on the expressway, which is a BAD thing because your very important work meeting started at 9 o’clock. You didn’t leave later; the traffic is much heavier than usual (A). Just as you get off the phone letting your boss know you aren’t going to make the meeting for at least another 15 minutes, you get rear-ended from behind (A) – make that at least 45 minutes!
==> Your thoughts are racing. “What’s wrong with people? Why don’t they watch what they’re doing?” (B) You also think, “I’m going to lose my biggest account! I may lose my job! It’s not even my fault!” (B)
==> You are fuming! You are so angry at the driver who rear-ended you (C) and you start to curse under you’re breath. You’re sweating and your heart is racing, and you’re worried you may get reprimanded once you get to your job, if not lose your job altogether (C)!
If you changed what you thought and believed (B) about what just happened (A), you would have a different feeling and action (C). The only way to believe me on this is try it out.
This formula is so incredibly easy. There’s no magic to it, and there’s no hidden agenda. The reality is, while we can’t change the events that occur in our lives, we can absolutely change our perception to them. When can step out of the victim role and stop blaming others for how we feel and what we do, we take ownership of our own lives.
Thinking differently is a learned skill. The hardest part is figuring out what you were thinking (B) that created your disturbing feeling (C). Some thoughts are distorted and destructive, but you don’t even know it. It’s important to be able to pinpoint those or they’ll wreak greater havoc on your overall life.
Here are some pointers to get you started:
- Start a daily log of thoughts. Certainly, it’s unrealistic and impossible to record all your thoughts. (Afterall, you have over 60,000 of them each day!) But taking time to jot down random statements as they run through your head should be an eye-opener. (Hint: You can do this as a journal entry or as a list. Either way, what you write down is your thought, and it’s important to see them in black and white.)
- Decide if your thought is positive or negative. Knowing if your thought is destructive or distorted is the only way to be able to understand what’s causing your emotional upset.
- Choose whether you’ll keep this thought or not. Truly, this is your decision. Just because someone else may think this is a “negative” thought that you “shouldn’t” hold onto doesn’t mean you think the same way. HOWEVER, and this is a word of caution, if you’re feeling crummy as a direct result of this thought, chances are you’ll want to think about changing it so you’ll feel better.
Look, changing thoughts isn’t hard. But it is time-consuming. You just have to become aware of what they are, then work diligently to “change your mind.”
If you know this formula, rest assured many events can happen around you, and your only task will be to decide how you’re going to respond to them. The bigger question may be, “Am I going to disturb myself by what’s going on here?” Or rather, “How will I un-desturb myself over what just happened?”
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April 14th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
One thing that has helped me is re-framing things that happen. By taking a look at some positive aspect of the situation, I can find benefits of what had gone on. I have trouble with it sometimes but mostly I can figure something out.