photo credit: chotda

In an effort to create a thorough, informative and really great list of resources for all married and committed couples, I compiled a list of the top 21 books that are a “must-read.”  Enclosed you’ll find the best of the best!

And, before you feel a little persnickety because your favorite book didn’t make this list, let me tell you how I came up with this information.  First, I made a list of my favorites.  Second, I looked closely at the bestseller list on amazon.com.  Last, I made sure that ALL books listed had an average rating of at least 4.5 stars (out of 5) and they had at least 100 reviews.  Every book on this list meets ALL of the three criteria above.  There are a couple of exceptions, which I’ve noted at the end of this post.

So without further ado, I present….the list:

1. The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman *
2. The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life by Shmuley Boteach
3. Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Emerson Eggerich
4. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver, and John Gottmann
5. Getting the Love You Want:  A Guide for Couples  By Harville Hendricks, Ph.D. *
6. Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage by Kevin Leman
7. The Heart of the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
8. For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti Feldhahn, Jeff Feldhahn *
9. When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron
10. Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love by Sue Johnson
11. Not “Just Friends”: Rebuilding Trust and Recovering Your Sanity After Infidelity by Shirley P. Glass and Jean Coppock Staeheli
12. How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny
13. The Mastery of Love: A Practical Guide to the Art of Relationship: A Toltec Wisdom Book by Miguel Ruiz
14. The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in all Your Relationships by Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas
15. Passionate Marriage:  Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships  By David Schnarch *
16. Relationship Rescue: A Seven-Step Strategy for Reconnecting with Your Partner by Ph.d., Phillip C. Mcgraw
17. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:  A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert By John M. Gottman, Ph.D.
18. The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by John M. Gottman, Ph.D. *
19. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John M. Gottman, Nan Silver, and John Gottman *
20. For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men  by Shaunti Feldhah *
21. Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life  by Martin E. P. Seligman *

Who are these books for?

I chose these books for 2 categories of people:

1. Those in a committed relationship, and
2. Those who want to be the best partner you can be in their committed relationship (so yes, you will get value from this book even if your spouse chooses not to read)

This list doesn’t discriminate against those married or simply cohabitating, nor does the information exclude gay and lesbian couples.

Exclusions

The top 21 list does not include books on dating, and you’ll find no information for “singles” here.  Also, for couples that are in the midst of crisis such as divorce, infidelity or parenting challenges, these books do not specifically address those types of concerns.  However, I have found in my practice with many couples that when there’s a healthy relationship, you’re less likely to have the traumatic crisis’ that can lead to marital woes (and sometimes divorce).  For that reason, these books ARE appropriate for anyone who is experiencing a crisis situation; however, it should be noted there are other books on the market that could lend even more specializing information to your crisis situation.

There are two books on this list that do not meet all three of my criteria above.  #2 The Kosher Sutra: Eight Sacred Secrets for Reigniting Desire and Restoring Passion for Life by Shmuley Boteach does not have 100 reviews yet.  The reason may be that this is a 2009 new release.  However, it is in the bestseller list and it does have a rating of 5 starts.  Furthermore, I personally believe Shmuley to be insightful and “spot on” with much of his work, so I highly recommend any of his writings.  

Second, #21 Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life  by Martin E. P. Seligman is one I threw in based on personal choice.  This is not a book for marriage perse, but it does have a high rating of 5 stars and has over 200 reviewers.  I think personal health and development is first priority before a any relationship can be successful.  This book is a great start for that purpose!

Note the asterick (*) outside some of these books – these are my personal favorites.  All personal favorites ALSO meet the three criteria mentioned above.  

Your Turn!

I have no doubt you have feedback!  If you’re in a committed relationship, I have no doubt you’ll find this list useful.  And, if you find value here, I would appreciate a digg, please.  On the other hand, if you don’t like the list or have negative comments, I’ll make sure to purge those from my memory bank before creating another list such as this in the future! =)

Enjoy, and happy reading!

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