“Why do I continue to act in ways that sabotage my life?”
This is a common question, and the answer is very simple: Because of what you THINK! Change happens all the time, everyday, about 60,000 times a day even when you don’t know it. The external world doesn’t determine your emotions, your thoughts do. When you want to change what you feel or do, you must change your own thoughts.
- Overgeneralization. Creating sweeping conclusions about yourself denies what is true about your life. For example, “I’ve never been successful, so I won’t be successful now.” Or, “I always fail!”
- Fortune Telling. Pretending you know what the future holds only sabotages your change efforts. For example, “I’ve seen a therapist before and it didn’t work. I just know this isn’t going to work for me now either.”
- Mental Filter. You can create the reality you want by only focusing on what you deem important. You can recognize this when you say, “I don’t have to exercise because I’m really good at counting calories and that will take the weight off.”
- Should Statements. Saying what you “should,” “must” or “ought” to do only set you up for failure. Ask yourself, “Where’s the rule book that says I should do this?” This line of thinking takes away your choices. For example, “I must not have a cookie because I will gain back all of my weight.”
- Dismissing Positives. If you’ve heard yourself say, “Anybody can do this, it’s no big deal,” you might not be recognizing your changes! This kind of self-sabotage keep you stuck in what’s going WRONG as opposed to what’s going RIGHT.
- Blaming. Not taking responsibility for your own thoughts, emotions and actions keeps you stuck as a victim and blaming others. If you’ve said, “My husband just doesn’t understand me and that’s why we argue so much,” or “That homework assignment my therapist gave me was stupid – it set me up to fail,” you aren’t taking responsibility and this will create negative emotions and actions.
- All or Nothing. “I yelled at my kids again today, which proves I’m a horrible mother!” This is black and white thinking that leaves you no alternative but to fail, especially when you have an unrealistic expectation of success.
- Emotional Reasoning. Saying “It’s been such a stressful, hard week, and I deserve to drink as much as I want this weekend” is only justifying your destructive behavior. If you feel negative emotions, don’t work it out by giving up on your life change!
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February 7th, 2009 at 9:27 pm
Great things to consider as I procrastinate my next big project with my business. I need to be intentional with what I need to do instead of being overwhelmed with fearing I will fail.
February 25th, 2009 at 6:46 am
That’s a great idea, Laurie! Thanks for your comment. =)
April 2nd, 2009 at 10:26 pm
[...] out what you were thinking (B) that created your disturbing feeling (C). Some thoughts are distorted and destructive, but you don’t even know it. It’s important to be able to pinpoint those or they’ll wreak [...]