Yesterday was full of excitement, but ended with me in tears.  Valentines is a day we celebrate the “romantic love” part of our relationships, and per usual, my husband had some surprises up his sleeve!

My twins were so excited when they gave me valentine’s treats while I was in the bathroom, on hands and knees, breathing hard and scrubbing the baseboards with a toothbrush (sometimes I get anal this way).  Lily had a box of candy and two cards, and Ayla carried an armful of roses.

We had childcare in the evening while we had dinner at our favorite spot – Café Izmir.  Then, we dashed off to see the one woman show – Motherload - the story of parenting swimming in a sea of guilt.

Written and performed by Amy Wilson, she dialogues about her life as a mom of children all under the age of 5.  I knew it was bound to be a good show when I saw how the set looked just like my house – toys all over the floor, clean laundry bunched up in a basket, and shoes scattered about.

Discussing the pressures of pregnancy, breastfeeding, mom’s groups, and the constant confusion us moms have over the latest study done about the BEST way to raise your child, I was instantly connected to Amy’s experience.  Several times, she heard the little voice in her head saying, “Are you doing the BEST you can do with your child, so they aren’t screwed up for LIFE?”

That’s a funny question, yes, but one we moms constantly hear.  The messages are all around us:  “breast is best,” plastic equals danger, your child watches EVERYTHING you do, all day long, and organic foods are the only option, among many others!  And, as moms we’re taught if we don’t do exactly as the stories say we should, our children are doomed to a life of therapy and failures.

We’re bad parents if we let our babies cry it out, and bad parents if we don’t.  We’re bad parents if we breast feed on demand, and bad parents if we don’t.  We’re bad parents if we don’t have our children in numerous activities to stimulate “optimal cognitive and social development,” and bad if we do because then we’re not spending quality time with them.  It seems like we can’t win!

I cracked up through the entire show, except the very end, when I burst into tears. 

Amy had been dialoguing what most of us moms feel a majority of the time – that being a mom is a STRUGGLE, and we find ourselves with one eye on the clock at all times, hoping bedtime would come sooner.  We look around our house and feel guilty about the mess, guilty about what we didn’t do with the kids to provide for their “optimal development,” and guilty that all we want is time alone.  We want to read a magazine cover to cover, finish a cup of coffee while it’s still hot, take a long, hot shower while shaving AND exfoliating, and put the toys away and have them STAY away for longer than 30 minutes.

Yes, most of us wish for “a time when…” until we remember, as Amy did, that before we know it, we’ll be sipping our hot coffee while after just having a hot shower and finishing a magazine.  We’ll look around the house where there once were toys, remembering how this time, right now, with our small kids and all the chaos that comes with them, were the best days of our lives. 

Photo credit greekadman at Flickr.

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