Do you ever wonder why it sometimes feels so hard to “stop and smell the roses” on the pathway of life? I often find myself wishing for the next “chapter” in my life to begin, without taking time to savor what I DO have, and what is currently going on. For example, many people often tell themselves that life will be better when “I have more free time,” “We have more money,” or even, “when my children start school.” Rarely do we take the time to look at what is currently going on and appreciate it. Instead of spending time focusing on what we DON’T have, and what we wish for, it’s time to focus on what we DO have, and to be grateful for today. Here are some tips to help you accomplish just that:
1. Turn your negative thoughts into positive ones. If you find yourself starting to think those wishful thoughts, stop yourself. Replace your usual “when I, with “right now.” Instead of, “when I have more money,” for example, say “with the money I have now, I can…” This allows you to not only focus on the present, but to stay positive.
2. Count your blessings. All of them. Go on; make a list of everything that you appreciate in your life at this moment. This will allow you to see, on paper, how much you DO have.
3. Appreciate the little things. Maybe your husband takes the trash out without you having to ask him. Maybe there was no traffic on the way to work today. Or maybe your mother in law gave you a compliment. Whatever it is, take time to acknowledge the little things day to day. You may even want to acknowledge these out loud. Tell your husband, “Thank you” for taking the trash out, and tell him you appreciate it. This will not only help you feel positive, but will make him feel good too.
4. Journal. This powerful tool can be one of your best secret weapons! I always encourage my clients to journal. There is just something about being able to get all your thoughts and feelings out on paper. It’s kind of a release. If you’re feeling down, and counting the days until the next chapter in life starts, take the time to write it out, letting go of all those pent up emotions and aggravation.
5. Make a list. Write down everything you want to accomplish in life. Write down your goals, your hopes, your dreams, and desires. Write down big things (travel to Europe), and small things (take the dog on a walk at least 3 times a week). Keep this somewhere within easy access, and when you have accomplished something, cross it off the list. Also, add to it from time to time. This will help you see (once again, the visual, concrete image!) that you ARE achieving your goals.
6. Breathe. When you start feeling overwhelmed, or like life will never be the way you want it…take a deep breath. Close your eyes, and think about what life was like a year ago. Three years ago. Five years ago. Think about how far you’ve come. Tell yourself that you will get to the place you want to be. It just takes time.
Erica S. Gould is a Licensed Professional Counselor helping children, teens, and adults achieve happiness and reach their full potential. She can be reached through her website at http://www.ichoosechange.com/erica.html.
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January 28th, 2009 at 10:35 pm
Nice article. Isn’t it hard to change our ways in life – to learn stopping and smelling roses takes lots of persistence. By the way, one useful thing that I have learned recently at a medication workshop: it’s more about watching your breath the way it is (deep, shallow, etc.) rather than about breathing deeper. Deep breathing can actually make us more anxious… Go figure.
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February 7th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
Great ideas here. I did a great deal of writing during the most difficult time of my life. It gave me a way to let it out.
When I think back about my life three years ago, oh my! I wouldn’t want to go back there (even if I did weigh less at the time) for nothing. I have come a long, long way since then and so much better off. It has been a lot of hard work but, oh, so worth it!
February 27th, 2009 at 12:52 am
WellnessAid: Thanks for your comments on breathing. Definitely something to think about!
Laurie: Thanks! Writing is such a great tool. I classify the friends in our lives as “A friends, B friends, and C friends” where “A” friends are those that we share our INNERMOST, without fear of judgment. I think our journals serve as our “A friends” at times, and everyone should have one!