Adam was a 10-year-old boy who evacuated with his family from New Orleans to Texas after Hurricane Katrina. His mother brought him to counseling after she noticed that he had trouble adjusting to his new life in the Lone Star State.
Adam was depressed. Noticeably. The mother’s bubbly boy became sad and soft spoken and gained weight. He could no longer concentrate in school. Bullies picked on him because of his new living arrangements.
Worse still, it was a year since the move to Texas, but Adam was still having a hard time with the transition. And as a 10-year-old kid, he didn’t have the words to articulate his feelings to his parents.
At Adam’s first session, I introduced him to play therapy. He perked up and said, “You mean I don’t have to talk?”
“Only if you want to”, I answered.
Over the next several months, he drew, painted, played board games, and told stories. What he didn’t know was that, while he was playing, he was communicating to me about the problems in his life.
Play therapy works with children like traditional talk therapy with adults. Except with most children, they haven’t yet developed the verbal and cognitive skills to communicate their feelings and thoughts with words. But on the other hand, children are extremely imaginative and creative. So play therapy lets them express themselves in a way that feels natural, safe, and comfortable.
Usually, play therapy is used with children under 12. For some kids, it works immediately and they quickly become comfortable speaking to a therapist. For others, it takes a few weeks of play for them to open up. Even teens who think they are too old “to play” respond well to a combination of art therapy and traditional counseling.
Parents often ask what they can do to help facilitate the same environment I do with their kids.
Here are some things that you, as a parent, can do to encourage the use of play at home as a tool for communication and healthy expression of emotions:
1. Allow your children to be creative in their play-give them the power to decide what and how they want to play. Remember, how they play can tell you a lot about how they’re feeling, even when they can’t verbally express themselves.
2. Create a safe environment for your child. This allows them to feel comfortable when expressing their thoughts and feelings.
3. Pay attention to your child’s playful clues, which will help you interpret what their play may symbolize. Remember, don’t over-analyze. Just like adults sometimes want to “talk it out,” children often want to “play it out” so playing may be all they need to blow off steam!
4. Be comfortable allowing your child to express his feelings. Many parents I have come across as a therapist are limiting their child’s expression of feelings simply because they feel uncomfortable with what their children may say. Be sure that what your child DOESN’T express is far worse than what he or she DOES express.
5. Always be patient with your child. Children are great at picking up on both spoken and unspoken rules and feelings. If your child senses your lack of patience, disinterest, or lack of attention, they are more likely to not open up to you about how they are feeling.
Through these techniques, children learn to identify and express feelings appropriately. How to put words to things like anger, frustration, and embarrassment.
If your child has trouble communicating his or her frustrations, play therapy may be the perfect choice.
So, what happened to Adam, our reason for talking about play therapy? At the end of our time together nearly a year together, Adam came out of his shell. He learned how to stand up to bullies, do better in school, and even asked his mom if he could join the neighborhood basketball team.
Adam was no longer depressed. He was on his way to becoming a happy, well-adjusted child.
Erica S. Gould is a Licensed Professional Counselor helping children, teens, and adults achieve happiness and reach their full potential. She can be reached through her website at http://www.ichoosechange.com/erica.html.
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